Kannon's latest

Disclaimer: I am about to brag here. About 2 weeks ago, Kannon has started counting to 10 and can identify & name numbers 1-10 and 12! I can also identify and name all of the letters of the alphabet (except m and n). He loves to shout out numbers and letters when he sees them in the aisles of stores, on the street, on the subway. (and I do mean shout) He is so proud of himself when he does. Not too bad for a 19 1/2 month old!

Yesterday, he was playing with his squirt toy walrus in the bathtub and actually said walrus, well more like wallwuss, but you get the idea. It's difficult to remember that we have to be extremely careful about what we say in front of him because he is a parrot.

Now, if we could only get him to eat real vegetables instead of purees only...

Dash

I guess I'm in one of those down phases at the moment. I'm so thankful to have Kannon. He brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined. Over the past few days, I've been feeling Dash's loss more than I usually do.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about Dash, but normally, the sadness does not overtake me. I've just been missing him terribly.

This past week, friend of a friend lost her only child 1 day after her first birthday. Seeing that beautiful baby's final photo brought me back to that awful day. I would never equate my loss to hers. That child struggled with a rare brain cancer from her second week of life. I can only imagine how much more difficult that is, but I certainly know what it is to lose a child.

When I was in Florida in March, my sister told me that she didn't feel that I had grieved properly. Although I realize that her concern comes from a place of love, it made me incredibly angry. As any angel mom will tell you, you just can't understand unless you've been through it yourself. It is a pain that I would never wish on anyone. Glenn also commented on how seeing the photo I mentioned earlier was painful for him.

I had a very vivid dream last night and my mother and I had a long talk. In the dream, she had drawn a rainbow perfectly on a piece of paper. She was legally blind, so I was amazed that she had been able to execute the drawing so meticulously. I have no doubt that it was her way of comforting me and letting me know that Dashiell is with her and he is ok.

The photo above was taken by a woman in Australia who also lost her son. She takes name requests and photographs their names in the sand for bereaved parents. ( towritetheirnamesinthesand.blogspot.com )It took me a very long time to get my request through, but I finally did this past March. I used to call Dashiell "my light". I feel as though he was right there, shining in the sky right above his name.

I love you, my light.