tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25541783349131643892024-02-06T23:57:43.914-05:00Kannon & DashThis blog was started to chronicle my journey throughout my high risk second pregnancy after my first ended in stillbirth. This was my way of including my family and friends, especially my dad, after the fact. I've decided to continue to maintain this blog as a place to share old memories of Dashiell and new memories as Kannon, my "rainbow" baby grows.Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-58544984895168386762012-09-27T19:38:00.000-04:002012-09-28T16:40:20.612-04:00One year ago today<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b>One year ago today, we first heard the words, “Your son has
PDD-NOS”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My response, “What is that?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The psychologist replied with a single phrase
that shook me to the core, “It’s on the Autism spectrum.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt as though I was living on a planet
inside of a snow globe and someone shook it as hard as they could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t sure which way was up, what day it
was, who my child was or who I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
I knew was, with that one phrase, my life would never be the same and that
moment would be a pivotal turning point. </b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<b>I received the word by phone while at work in my
office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to listen and soak up as
much information as possible, but part of me was so shocked that I went numb –
and then broke down completely. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My boss
told me to go home and take care of myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m so thankful that I work in a flexible, kind, understanding and human
office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has made all of the
difference over this past year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went
home on that bright, warm September day, promptly hugged my son and stared at
him, trying (unsuccessfully) to reign in that powerful wave of emotion. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We decided to go to Union Square Park so we
could be together as a family and K could have some fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we pushed him on the swing, I remember
thinking, he is the same person now that he was when I left this morning, but
he seems different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that same
moment, my husband said the exact same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Autism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How was that
possible?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I possibly have
missed that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What did I do wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When could we catch a break?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wasn’t it enough that we lost Dashiell and
were deprived of a “normal” pregnancy, but now we’d never know what being a
parent to a “normal” child would be like?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What will happen to him when he gets older?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then, I thought, “Thank God it’s not
cancer, or some terminal illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can
deal with this.”</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Looking back now, those thoughts seem selfish and
ridiculous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wouldn’t trade Kannon,
quirks and all, for anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth
is, I went through a grieving process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think I had to trudge through the depths of despair in order to come out fighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now realize that the conversation with that
psychologist was a real blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
embrace the label of “autism”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
label has enabled us to provide Kannon with outstanding care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The progress he has made in less than a year
(he didn’t really start therapy until November 2011) is astounding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That label has given me a deeper
understanding of who my child is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has
given me patience and understanding when he gets overwhelmed or struggles with
transitions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before, he was just a tough
kid, now I get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I understand why
he needed to constantly be bounced on the exercise ball as an infant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand why he always needed to have a
white noise machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand why he
knew his letters by 18 months and was reading by 2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>I also understand the answer to the question, “why me” that
I asked myself repeatedly in those early days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The answer is because I can handle it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have the wherewithal to be able to negotiate this ridiculous
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am blessed with a beautiful,
warm, gifted child with a magnetic personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am blessed with the best husband anyone could ask for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has only brought us closer as a family
and cemented my husband and I as a team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also have the great fortune of having had arguably the best mother in
the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her example is emblazoned on
my brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She may have died 13 years
ago, but I think of her every day and wonder what she would do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer to that question largely guides my
decisions and there is no question that she is here with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not to say this has been an easy
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At times, it has been downright miserable,
but even in those moments, I need only look back to one year ago and see how
far we come. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b></div>
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<b>Today, as I write this, I am filled with hope and gratitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this short year, Kannon:</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Has gone from eating nothing but pureed baby food
to cooking and eating just about anything</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Has enjoyed buying new shoes (before, when he would
try on shoes, he would scream like we were cutting off his feet)</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Largely stopped scripting his speech (it still
happens, but much less)</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Started connecting with peers</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Started engaging adults and children in our
building and on the street</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Started sleeping through the night</b></div>
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<b><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Transitioned beautifully into a new school (one
year ago, it took over 2 months and a LOT of tears)</b></div>
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<b>I am so thankful to his wonderful therapists, his school
last year, his developmental pediatrician, his nutritionist, his neurologist his
geneticist, his new school and most of all, my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With this incredible team all working
together Kannon’s potential is unlimited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I will be one of the driving forces to help be right there to help him
reach that potential.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I can say is
watch out, world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My child is going to
make a huge and positive impact on this world!</b></div>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-24469245910728187512012-09-23T23:31:00.002-04:002012-09-24T09:03:49.667-04:00How did we get here? (Backtracking a little)<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>You may have read the bus nightmare posts and/or the school search posts, but so much happened in between. I wanted to post a "brief" summary of how we landed where we did (at YAI Gramercy). </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>I should preface this by saying that when you start to look for schools in CPSE, the same few names always come up as the "desired" schools and Gramercy is definitely one of them. (we're lucky to be there!) I should also say that no two children are alike. Just because some schools were not for K, doesn't mean they would not be a great place for another child. This is purely a chronicle of my experience with the school search. My hope is that it will be helpful to another parent looking for information about these schools or about a CPSE search in general. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Our search for placement really began in January, although it feels a bit like a lifetime ago. K was in early intervention for a blink (5 weeks), so when we had his IEP meeting, everything was very new to us. Our perception of his needs definitely changed between diagnosis and today. I imagine that is not atypical, but the timing was unfortunate. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>We looked at a LOT of public options. Unfortunately, there were very few options for his IEP recommendation. (an integrated setting of 15:1:2). He stayed at CP Kids until the end of August with his SEIT (our angel). I can't say enough about the teachers there. They really went above and beyond for us. They were extremely accommodating and have even followed up to see ho K is doing at his new school. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Initially, I was hesitant to look at any non-integrated options, but as I got over the label of a special school, I realized that perhaps a special school would be great for K. I went to the open house at the Child Development Center at the behest of one of his OTs. I was blown away and it immediately became the front runner for me. The setting is an 8:1:2 in a fantastic brand new facility. Each classroom has it's own team (teachers, social worker, OT, PT, SLT) complete with an observation booth with a 1 way mirror. They were very nurturing and the vibe was very calm and warm. When I left, I felt strongly that it was the place for K. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>There were a few issues at play:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>- we had to see if CDC thought he'd be a good fit</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>- we wouldn't find out until very late (early May)</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>- we would need to change his IEP pretty drastically</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>I also looked at YAI Gramercy, which although was not anywhere near as nice of a facility, K's SEIT felt it was a better fit for him. It also seemed more like a regular public school. Still, my gut was screaming for CDC. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>We also looked at the following schools and these were my impressions as far as K was concerned:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>-Gillen Brewer: children seemed to be lower-functioning than K, but the school was very impressive (also, by the time I toured in March, all of the spots were taken)</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>-Central Park West Early Learning Center: teachers looked like they were in jail, kids didn't seem happy and the director was very "new york" to put it nicely. She also ended our tour with a story about how a teacher had lost a child in central park for a few minutes the year before and was fired. Huh? We did not apply there. It was a shame because it was so close to where I work. </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>-Kennedy Child Study Center: kids seemed lower-functioning, facility was awful, but staff was fantastic</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>-New York Center for Child Development: <b>kids seemed lower-functioning, facility was awful, but staff was fantastic. I really liked the vibe, but it was clearly not for K. </b></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>In the meantime, I also looked at some private options: The Quad School (small integrated classes for gifted kids with special needs) and Stephen Gaynor (as our advocate put it "the Bentley of schools"). </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>Initially, K was accepted to the Quad and Stephen Gaynor, but rejected from all public options (except CDC where he was wait listed). The Quad came first and acceptance was contingent on us keeping his SEIT. They even offered a 25% scholarship, but it still would have cost close to $18K, which we do not have!</b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b>The feedback from all public options was that he was too bright to be in the more restrictive classes, but needed too much attention to be in the larger classes. </b></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>Then came Gaynor (oh Gaynor!). The whole process of admission to Stephen Gaynor is incredibly opaque. There is a $150 application fee (which they very graciously waived) and you have to apply before they will let you in to see the school. We did apply on a whim. When we actually saw the school, we were blown away. There was no question in our minds that it was the place for him. Unfortunately, it made the Quad look like pocket change. The tuition at Stephen Gaynor was $49,000!!!! I will say you get what you pay for. The school is incredible. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>Much to our surprise, K was accepted at Stephen Gaynor. We met with two lawyers to discuss our prospects for suing. Both thought that we had a strong case. The second was recommended by the school and had never lost a case at the school. We were all set to go and then.... YAI called with a spot that had opened up. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>It really took the wind out of our sails. We knew it would weaken the case, but we could still fight. The lawyer was convinced we would win. Because the lawyer had such a strong connection with Gaynor, it felt like there were all kinds of side discussions happening. It was big eye opener. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b>Ultimately, we were accepted as a Connors Case (a rarity). However, we would have had to sign a document saying that if we lost, we would be liable for the full tuition. The lawyer did not think that would happen, but did confirm that they could "come after us" for the money. It was enough to scare us enough to go with YAI. </b></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>I agonized over this for weeks. If I'm being honest, I still feel as though we missed out on a huge opportunity. However, in the midst of all of the decision making, I was able to connect with a special needs advocate. They suggested that by going with YAI, we would not be locked in to Stephen Gaynor for kindergarten and we'd have guidance through the process. The biggest fear about Gaynor for me was what if it wasn't the right fit. What then? Still, it was very rough and still bothers me. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b>So, we were all set to change the IEP to put K in a 12:1:2 and CDC called. They let us know that they were trying to get a 6th classroom. They expected to get approval by late July, possibly late August and when they did, K was in!</b></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>In the middle of all of this, I had sent 3 letters via fedex to our new CPSE rep (since we moved in December, we are now in a new, and much worse district). No answer. Radio silence. I left 3 voice mails, as well. No response. I didn't push too hard. I was hoping that CDC would call and we'd just be able to change the IEP for them. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>By early August, YAI called to ask if we had our IEP meeting. I explained that we had tried to reach our administrator, I had proof of delivery, but nobody ever called me. They were able to reach out to schedule the IEP meeting for August 9th. (The school closed on August 10th!!!). </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>The Monday before the IEP meeting, I got a call from the district admin. She wanted to work out the details over the phone. The most important thing to us was the ability to keep K's ABA/SEIT (our angel). I explained the whole CDC situation and the admin blew up, "You just want him there because they put kids in private school. I know why parents like that school." I said, "Let me stop you right there. We were in position to sue for placement at Gaynor and we dropped it as soon as the YAI offer came in. We have a strong preference for a public option."</b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>I think with that, I was able to win her over. She asked me to strike a deal. She told me that, if I accepted the YAI placement then, she would give us a dual recommendation. With that, we were able to secure 8 hours a week with our ABA/SEIT, 2 outside OT sessions and 2 outside speech sessions. This is in addition to the 2 OT, 2 PT and 3 speech in school! This probably means nothing to a non-NYC special needs parent, but when I tell fellow parents here what we have, their jaws drop. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b>The kicker: CDC offered placement on August 14. I suppose everything happens for a reason. </b></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>Overall, it was worth it. So far, K loves school and I think we probably made a good choice. I wish the school was a little more parent friendly. I've only met the teacher once and we only have communication via a little notebook that goes back and forth. His teacher does provide a little letter detailing what the class did that day, which we appreciate. The parent community is also very tight-knit which is really nice. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>As for the bus, we have a new bus company. The driver is lovely, as is the matron, and they both speak English. The company answers the phone, too! They have yet to be on time, but I'm trying to be patient while they get the kinks worked out. His new pick up time is much later than before. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>He is adjusting well, although he is super tired from school and therapy. I can't wait to see how he grows this year. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>Now, we're on the kindergarten train. We never got a break, really. Although I'm very tired, the upside is, I'm still in fighting mode. We started the neuro-psychological evaluation last week. I'll write about that another time - it's another lovely perk of having to deal with the NYC school system and this extremely wasteful, screwed up special needs set up. </b></b></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><b><br /></b></b><b><b>The bright spot of all of this - K is happy. THAT is really what matters most to me!</b></b></span></span>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-25889951021066237912012-09-11T09:39:00.000-04:002012-09-11T09:57:15.128-04:00The bus issues continued<div style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<b>I wish I could say we had resolution, but no such luck. After one day, the bus showed up nearly 1/2 hour early today. I've been told that the Office of Pupil Transportation is at the school this morning and that they are going over all the routes yet again. We'll see...</b></div>
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<div style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<b>Dear Mr. Scarpa, <br /><br />I was hoping that I would not have to write to
you again, but it appears that we still have a bus issue. I've seen the
papers and I realize that I am not the only person, which frankly is
more troubling than if I was a singular case.<br /><br />Mark Jacoby called me on Friday to input my son, Kannon Peters (id# XXXXXXXXXX) into the system. He told me to check the online system over
the weekend to clarify the pick up time and route, as they were
revamping this over the weekend. I checked repeatedly, and he still was
not showing up. </b>
<b><br /><br />On Sunday evening around 6:30pm, we received a call from the bus
driver giving us his name, cell number and pickup time of 7:55am and
route number (XX X-XX). This is still potentially a 1hr 20 minute bus
ride, but it's certainly better than the 2hr 15min we were facing last
week. Yesterday, the bus showed up right on time. My husband met the
bus at the school and noted that it arrived at 9:09. </b>
<b><br /><br />The way back was a different story. Kannon did not arrive home
until 3:56. School ends at 2:15, so this would be close to 2 hours on
the bus. The driver explained that the school took a lot of time to
load the children onto the bus and asked us to be patient as they get
the routine down. Although this seemed extremely long, we understand
and are willing to keep trying for a few days until the kinks are worked
out. </b>
<b><br /><br />This morning as I was leaving the house at 7:29, our phone rang. It
was the bus driver who simply said, "the bus is outside". Kannon was
still in his pajamas finishing breakfast. We had planned to wait in our
lobby from 7:45 as we did yesterday. The bus arrived </b>
<b>a full twenty-six minutes early! The
driver asked how long it would take us to get ready. I find this to be
outrageous. Even if the bus arrived at school early, they do not start
receiving children until 9am. That is a </b><b>minimum of 90 minutes, in borough, on the same side of the city a straight 60 blocks away. We are not</b><b> in Riverdale or in Bergen Beach. We are in Manhattan below 96th! <br /><br />26 minutes to a toddler is tantamount to a lifetime. It may
not seem to bad to adults, but frankly, it seems long to me too. I can
understand if they arrive 5 minutes early, but to ask us to have our
child ready a full 1/2 hour prior to his pickup time is ridiculous. </b>
<b><br /><br />The driver said they were early because so many kids were not riding
the bus. Fine, then start your route later, or wait. Don't expect me
to shove the rest of my child's breakfast down his throat, brush his
teeth, get him dressed and out the door at a moment's notice. Further,
I'm sure that every other child on the route was not ready 1/2 hour
early, either. </b>
<b><br /><br />The stress that the busing situation has caused is quite literally
making me sick. You are risking parents' jobs by having these last
minute changes, as well, not to mention the time spent on the phone
during the day. The worst casualty of all of this is the children.
Children with Autism thrive on consistency and routine. What may seem
like a small change to you can upend and entire day for a child with
Autism. The fact that the bus companies, the board of education and the
drivers do not understand this is astounding. My child was very upset
that he couldn't take the bus this morning. Great start to the day. </b>
<b><br /><br />I expect to hear back from someone this morning. I can be reached at </b>
<b>212-XXX-XXXX
until 3:30pm today. I will be calling Mark Jacoby directly and will do
whatever it takes to have this resolved. I would very much appreciate
help from someone that can actually deliver, not just make empty
promises. <br /><br />Thank you, </b>
<b><br /><br />Allison </b><br />
<br />
<b>an hour after this email was sent, I recieved the following response:</b><br />
<br />
<div class="ajy">
<img alt="" class="ajz" data-tooltip="Show details" id=":1ac" role="button" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/images/cleardot.gif" tabindex="0" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Hi
Allison – sorry for the delay, but we are working to straighten out the
transportation at Grammercy. Please let me know if you don’t hear from
someone within the next couple of hours. And thank you again for your
patience.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="FR" style="color: #002060; font-family: Amienne; font-size: 24.0pt;">Alex Robinson</span></b></div>
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<span lang="FR" style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Alexandra H. Robinson, M.Ed., CDPT</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Executive Director, Office of Pupil Transportation</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">New York City Department of Education</span><span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">44-36 Vernon Boulevard - 6th Floor</span><span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;"></span></div>
<span style="color: #0f243e; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.0pt;">Long Island City, New York 11101</span></div>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-10203773303229378782012-09-07T07:53:00.000-04:002012-09-11T09:40:38.880-04:00Bus nightmare<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'll post more details about how we got here, but Kannon started at his new school, YAI Gramercy, on Wednesday. The good news is that he loves the school and really looks forward to going each day. The bad news is that the NYC DOE has changed the bus system to "regional busing" which has caused citywide problems. I just wrote the email below to the Manhattan borough president. Hopefully it will get someone's attention. Rather than re-hash the entire story here, I'm posting the email below with the details. I'm sure things will get worked out soon and the school has been great about everything. It's not their fault at all, but they have been wonderfully helpful. I'll also post a little about his school, the decision to enroll him there and our IEP meeting later. I can tell you, I will be having a giant glass of wine tonight!</span></b><br />
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<b>To Whom it may concern:<br /><br />I
am writing to you with an extremely confusing and distressing
situation. My son, Kannon, (ID #XXXXXXXXX) started at a new
preschool (YAI Gramercy) on Friday. We were thrilled when he was
accepted to the school. Initially, YAI and all of the other public
settings we applied to had rejected him. The only places that accepted
him were private schools for special needs children with above average
intelligence. We were all set to start legal proceedings when YAI
called with the offer. We jumped on the chance, as we had a strong
preference for a public setting. We were also looking forward to Kannon
being able to build some independence by riding the bus. <br /><br />At
the school orientation, we were told that the school system had
switched to regional busing and that we should be contacted by the bus
company, Consolidated, directly "right before school starts". We waited
all day Tuesday for a phone call as directed. Finally, I called
Consolidated at 4pm. I was told that the drivers were making calls from
3pm until 6pm and to call back if we had not heard by 6. Since nobody
called, I did call Consolidated back at 6pm. It took them a very long
time to find my son's name. Finally, she told me his pick up time was
7am. I was outraged, as we live on 94th and Columbus. His school is a
mere 60 blocks away at 34th Street and 10th. My child has autism and is 3
1/2 years old with a dual recommendation for outside services. No 3
year old should be on a bus for 4 1/2 hours a day, especially when their
actual school day is only 5 hours and especially when you have a
special needs child with attention and sensory issues. The woman on the
other end explained that she was customer service and to call back at
6:30am the next day to verify the information with dispatch. </b>
<b><br /><br />When
I hung up with Consolidated, I immediately, sent the attached email to
the office of pupil transportation and asked that someone contact me the
next day. </b>
<b><br /><br />I
called on Wednesday morning at 6:30am, less than 3 hours prior to the
start of his first day of school. This time, I was told that there was
no child by that name in the system. They could not find him by name,
birthdate or by id number. They told me that the school never gave his
information to OPT and that must be why they did not have him in the
system. Although I suppose there could have been a clerical error in
the process, this was blatantly false. Needless to say, we had to take
him to school ourselves. </b>
<b><br /><br />Around
10am, I received a phone call from Hattie Thomas at OPT. She asked
that I call her back to discuss the situation. Unfortunately, the
number is not in service </b>
<b><a href="tel:%28718%29%20482-6976" target="_blank" value="+17184826976">(718) 482-6976</a>.
I called the Office of Pupil Transportation to try to reach her. They
also tried to find Kannon in the system by name, ID number and birth
date and ultimately told me that he was not in the system. I sent email
to the general OPT address and Hattie called me right away. She was
very apologetic and helpful. She assured me that she was working to
resolve the situation to the best of her ability. <br /><br />Yesterday
morning (9/6) out of curiosity, I did wait to see if a bus would show
up. I waited from 6:50 until 7:45 and no bus ever came. This provided
further confirmation that there is a major breakdown of communication
going on. </b>
<b><br /><br />My
husband spoke with an administrator at the school who informed us that
our CPSE district rep, Mari Jo Fisher, had neglected to </b>
<b><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">contact the "<i>appropriate people to let them know that Kannon was
approved for busing, which is why Consolidated does not have your info
but OPT does</i>.</span>"
Upon leaving the school, my husband called the CPSE office and asked to
be connected to Mari Jo Fisher. The first voicemail he reached was for
someone else. He left a message there just in case and then called
back and asked to be connected again. He did indeed reach Mari Jo's
voice mail that time and left a message. We never heard back from her.
<br /><br />This morning, as I was walking out the door to go to work, our phone
rang. There was a woman on the other end who asked if I was Kannon's</b><br />
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<b> mother. When I replied yes, she said, "the bus is here." I was
in utter disbelief. I explained that we have never received a call
with any route info, pick up time or driver information from
consolidated. Unfortunately, she did not speak English well enough to
have a phone conversation. She handed the phone to the matron, who also
did no speak English well enough to have a phone conversation. I asked
them to wait a moment and went outside to speak with them in person.
They were two lovely ladies who appeared as confused and I was. I
explained again that nobody had ever called us with any pick up time,
route number, or bus information. They told me that his pic up time is
7:40. I still find that insanely early, considering I could walk to the
school and back in that amount of time. The more concerning thing is
the utter lack of communication. I'm sure that you are a reasonable
person and understand why a parent would not blindly put their child on a
bus with two strangers and no other information other than their word.
</b>
<b><br /><br />I tried to call this morning to lodge a complaint and once again, I
was told that my son was not in the system. If you can't find my son's
computer record, how on earth am I supposed to entrust his care to you
to ensure that he gets to and from school safely? If Consolidated can't
even take the time to make a phone call and just assumes that a parent
psychically knows that a bus is coming, I can't imagine why the DOE
would EVER use this company. </b>
<b><br /><br />This entire situation has destroyed my faith in the CPSE system.
There
are so many outrageous issues here that I don't even know where to
begin. One of the reasons we decided to go with YAI was for the
convenience of bussing. That "convenience" has been nothing short of a
nightmare. Secondly, we are in the same borough as the school and a
direct 60 blocks north of the school. We had asked approximately what
the bussing times were like last year and we were told they were around
45 minutes to 1 hour. We understand that these were not set times and
that there could be some variation, but to go from that to 1 1/2 to 2
hours, double the time, is ridiculous. It's not as if we live in
Brooklyn or Queens and are coming into Manhattan. We live in Manhattan,
and not even Northern Manhattan or Inwood. We live below 96th Street
and the school is in midtown!!!! </b>
<b><br /><br />I can't believe that anyone with a basic understanding of toddlers,
let alone special needs toddlers, would ever expect them to endure a 3
to 4 1/2 hour commute each day, attend 5 hours of school, and receive
additional therapies outside of school. That would be impossible for
most adults, let alone a 3 year old. These buses are not carrying cargo
or delivering supplies. They are carrying children on their way to
school to learn. A lengthy bus ride for a child with sensory and
attention issues could very well undermine the purpose of school. If
children are worn out from a long bus ride, how can they be expected to
learn to the best of their ability? How are they supposed to be
mentally alert and ready to go for therapy sessions?</b>
<b><br /><br />Further, how could you reasonably expect to a parent to entrust the
most important thing in their lives, their child, to a company that
can't bother to make a simple phone call. Parent should be provided
with a specific driver name & contact number, matron name &
contact number, route number, detailed route information and a bus
number. I completely distrust consolidated at this point. </b>
<b><br /><br />I sincerely hope that our horrible experience thus far is unique,
but from what I've heard from other parents, I am quite sure that it is
not. We have heard people say that they never received a call, buses
haven't shown up, one child was on a bus where neither the driver nor
the matron spoke English. You need to understand that many of these
children have communication issues. If the drivers and matrons struggle
to speak with parents, it's impossible to think that they would be able
to handle 16 children with communication issues. </b>
<b><br /><br />I sincerely hope that you will take a hard look at what you're
doing. Undoubtedly, this ridiculous regional busing was to save money.
You may be saving money, but it is at the expense of the children's
well-being, health and education. Heads should roll for this. It is
inexcusable that the greatest city in the world is failing the children
that need these services the most. Not to mention, the burden and
stress that is placed on parents. </b>
<b><br /><br />I expect to hear back from you with a response and I also expect
someone from Consolidated call me with Kannon's details route info,
route number, driver and matron names and contact information. </b>
<b><br /><br />Thank you,</b></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></b><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>Allison</b></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-27371140342207385832012-07-29T21:01:00.002-04:002012-09-08T09:08:31.473-04:00A little sidebar<div style="color: blue;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">This post has nothing to do with what I usually write about. This is pure indulgence for my sisters. I received the email below from my youngest sister in 1998. She was 16 anscrazy about the Backstreet Boys. My mom, god rest her soul, was apprehensive about letting Ashley go to stalk the group at the hotel they would be staying at while in Syracuse. To date, this is the best email I have ever received and it still makes me laugh. Enjoy!</span> </b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">From: <a href="mailto:AKM100@aol.com">AKM100@aol.com</a> [mailto:<a href="mailto:AKM100@aol.com">AKM100@aol.com</a>]<br />
Sent: Monday, August 24, 1998 9:03 PM<br />
To: <a href="mailto:alligirl@usa.net">alligirl@usa.net</a>; <a href="mailto:jmayne@ntca.org">jmayne@ntca.org</a><br />
Subject: PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!<br /><br />
Allison, and Jennifer-
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
I need you to do me the BIGGEST favor... on SUnday night is the <span class="il">Backstreet</span><br /><span class="il">Boys</span>
</span><span style="font-size: small;"> concert, and my friend's mom found out where they are staying. We have a<br />
reservation, and EVERYTHING, but mom, and dad aren;t gonna let me go. PLEASE<br />
try to persuede mom ALlison. I swear- i live my life for this concert, and if<br />
i met them...i could die happily the next day. let's say i get hit by a truck<br />
and die on the 31st- my life would be whole if i met them... if i don't meet<br />
them- and i die- my life will be incomplete and sad...NOT TO BE PESSIMISTIC<br />
about the death thing- I'm just trying to make a point. I NEED TO GO!!!!!!!! I<br />
have been crying for the past 2 nights. I mean my friend's mom is gonna be<br />
with us IN the hotel room ALL night. Mom thinks we're gonna be loud, and<br />
rowdy- but we're not ALlison... we want to give these guys a good impression<br />
like we're mature. When we meet them, we want to be composed, and treat them<br />
like normal people...because they are. I try to get mom to understand this-<br />
but she refuses to believe me. WE're NOT going to be loud, immature, and we<br />
are NOT going to run around the hotel all night either. WE just HAVE to meet<br />
them...heck I have to meet them!!!!!!!! So guys- PLEASE try to convince mom-<br />
if you do...i will be in debt to you my WHOLE life, so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,<br />
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE try to help me<br />
out here allison, and Jennifer!!!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!! I'm counting on you<br />
guys- mom trusts you... especially more then me. So PLEASE try, and convince<br />
her. Thank you guys! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!<br />
Love your loving sister who is a devoted <span class="il">Backstreet</span> <span class="il">Boys</span> fan,<br />
Ashley k. Mayne</span></b></div>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-25390587661689319762012-04-30T10:36:00.004-04:002012-09-08T09:08:19.958-04:00The Zen of Weight Watchers<div style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="background-color: blue;"><span style="background-color: #eeeeee;">I</span></span> joined weight watchers in October of 2010. My dear friend, Tai, called me and told me that she had just joined. (thank you, Tai!) They were having a special and maybe we could try together. I bit the bullet and joined (very half-heartedly, I might add). I had already lost all of my pregnancy weight, but was still morbidly obese at 238.2 pounds. I made myself lose 5 pounds before I went to weigh in for the first time. Looking back, that seems so silly, but I was ashamed. I went to that first meeting on October 5, 2010 and really learned how to do the program. Shortly thereafter, I re-injured my back and it was severe. I ended up having my second back surgery on November 19, 2010. in spite of all of that pain, a fire had been lit. I marched over to the weight watcher center in my walker to weigh in every single week. I learned to be accountable and take responsibility for my weight. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>As soon as I was able to sit for an hour, I started going to meetings. I went with quite a bit of judgment, skepticism and trepidation. I found a leader who I liked and went to meetings weekly on Wednesday mornings. Once I went back to work, just before Christmas, I had to find a new meeting. I chose the 8:30am Saturday meeting. My leader, Robert, like most weight watchers, has had a life-long struggle with his weight. He is a platinum-haired, fabulous, kind, funny character who is very easy to relate to. He makes each meeting an event. Since January 2011, I've missed maybe 4 meetings (usually due to work). Needless to say, I drank the kool aid and I'm a believer. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>As of this past Saturday, I've lost 80 pounds. I'm less than 3 pounds away from being a "normal" weight for my height. More than the weight loss, I can honestly say that I've found a particular kind of peace that I don't think I've ever known before (at least not in the same way as I am currently experiencing it.) I've formed bonds with several members of the group. I find inspiration in those lifetime members that come each week and share their stories. I enjoy supporting my fellow ww members and sharing my stories. That hour each Saturday morning has become a kind of therapy for me. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>This past Saturday, I was really jonesing for a meeting. I had missed the 4-14 meeting because of the flood and our trip upstate. I missed last weekend, since I had to work. I arrived early as usual, got my Starbucks and reconnected with my ww pals. The topic this week was about taking care of yourself and being a friend to yourself first. It was very timely, considering my foul mood over the past week. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sitting through that meeting, I realized how quickly and willingly I will congratulate and lift up people around me. I'm a damned good cheerleader to everyone - with one glaring omission - me! Why is that? Why am I so quick to forgive and support others while I judge myself so harshly. I suppose many of us do that, but I have made a conscious choice to be sure to celebrate my successes. I start today by stating that I am proud of the changes I've made since I joined weight watchers. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>My weight watchers journey has been about so much more than weight loss. I found my fire again. When I walked into Banana Republic last week </b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b> (I haven't been able to shop there for over 5 years, since they only go up to a size 14. When I started ww I was a 22) </b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>and tried on a size 8 dress, I didn't feel like a fraud as I had the first few times I walked into that store. I looked in that mirror and I was proud. I was just happy. I was able to congratulate myself without thinking about how much more I want to lose, or about how I wish I could change x about myself. I just felt a profound love and respect for myself that I'm not sure I ever have before. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>I can't imagine how I'd be able to shoulder the burdens we have been faced with over these past months had it not been for these internal changes. Weight Watchers has been a saving force in my life. I may have a lot to contend with, but I know that I can handle whatever comes my way - and I know things could always be worse. I'll continue to go each Saturday. I may not be an official lifetime member yet, but I will say that I'm a member for life. </b></span></div>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-49106480448424091882012-04-24T12:54:00.001-04:002012-09-08T09:09:10.930-04:00What else?<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="background-color: #cccccc; color: blue;">L</span><span style="background-color: white; color: blue;"><span style="background-color: #cccccc;">et me preface this by saying that I'm having a moment of feeling very sorry for myself. I'm usually very good about keeping perspective and always seeing the upside, but I honestly feel like I've been pushed to my limit.</span> <span></span></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Two weeks ago today, I went to soak Kannon's soiled pants in the sink. Kannon came into the bathroom and I got distracted. I thought I had turned off the sink, but I guess I hadn't turned off both handles. 20 minutes later - major flood that destroyed our floors that were installed in December. It destroyed both bedrooms, the hallway and half of the living room. BAD. 5 hours later, as I was still panicking and trying to dry the floors, I was about to go to sleep and stepped into the kitchen into a giant puddle of water. Yes - another flood. Our dishwasher had overflowed and ruined the kitchen floor, dining room floor and remaining living room floor. At least we caught it with enough time to prevent damage to our downstairs neighbor. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Our insurance is mercifully covering both instances, but we had so many fans and dehumidifiers in our apartment that we had to flee to Syracuse. We stayed in my dad's house (but he and Barb were in FL, so we didn't even get to see them). We returned on Sunday, 4-15 and stayed in Queens that night. A woman I work with graciously has given us her 1 BR apartment to stay in free of charge while repairs are happening. The next day, I dropped K off at school, went home, met with the water mitigation people, who confirmed that everything was dry and tried to rearrange the furniture to have some sort of normalcy for Kannon. It's really times like these when I realize how much he truly thrives on routine. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>We have the old ugly tiles again, covered by paper and approximately 70 one and a half inch holes in the wall. We also lost a 12' x 2" piece of sheet rock in the living room and two large chunks of sheet rock behind the stove and the dishwasher. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>That Tuesday, Kannon had a play date (read "interview") at the Stephen Gaynor School. Up until that point, the admissions process for that school had been rather off-putting. We had to submit a huge application with a tremendous amount of information, including evaluations from all of his therapists. He had also already had an observation at his current school by the head of admissions. After he passed those two checks, he was scheduled for a "play date" with a speech therapist and OT from the school. Needless to say, that did not go so well. He was not himself, thanks to my stupidity and leaving the water on. We got a call shortly thereafter asking to speak to Kannon's SEIT and asking if we'd be willing to bring him back in with Stephanie. (of course we are). She is on vacation this week and we haven't even started the work yet, so who knows when this magical visit will take place. All of that said, the school is incredible and in my opinion, by far the most appropriate setting for Kannon. The price tag, not so much, but at this point, we may just sue the district for placement. (not sure if I mentioned this last time, but YAI essentially said he's too gifted to be in the special class they have next year and needs to much attention to be in the integrated class). </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Backtracking - the only school (other than his current school) that he was accepted into was the Quad School (an integrated school for gifted children). It would have been perfect, except for the $23K tuition. He was offered a 25% scholarship, but we just couldn't swing that. That kind of setting would be perfect for him - small, lots of attention and with other brilliant minds. He is a bit of a conundrum, which is making placement incredibly difficult.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>This past Saturday, I had to work all day and as I was leaving, I checked my messages. Glenn had called in a panic. We received a letter from the IRS saying that our 2010 returns were wrong and that we owe close to $5,000. It's incorrect (I had filed an amendment, which was not reflected in this letter), however, there was a dividend payment from a stock which I don't own. Long story short, someone used my ss number, maiden name and former address (which I had moved from 5 years earlier) to open an account in 2007. Now, on top of everything else, it looks as though I have some identity fraud to deal with. What did I do in this life that was so horrible? I don't understand why. I really don't. I just need to catch a break. The last 5 years have been more to contend with than anyone should ever have to and I'm at my breaking point. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>It gets better - so I also had to go to an ophthalmologist yesterday. When I had my eyes checked just before my birthday, they couldn't dilate me, since my "angles are too narrow". Also, my left eyelid has been droopy and I've been feeling a weird pain/pressure in my left eye area. She couldn't find anything wrong with my eyes, but wants to do some blood work to see if she can figure out what is going on. If the blood work comes back normal, I need to get an MRI. Another f***ing MRI. UNCLE - UNCLE Do you hear me life? I'm crying uncle! I can't take any more. I really can't take anymore. Please give me a little break. Please let me feel a day of relaxation. Please give me a little taste of normal. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Today, feeling beaten down, I came into work. I received a call from our last chance for CPSE placement for Kannon (and my top choice). He was "strongly wait listed". Not at all what I wanted to hear. I broke down with the admissions director on the phone. I'm just so damned frustrated. If he were a 3 instead of a 4, he would be in. They only have three spots for 4 year olds this year. So because he was born in December, he gets the shaft. We were too late for this year, since he wouldn't have been allowed in any programs until he turned 3 anyway and now we're screwed next year since all of the programs for 4's will be filled with their current 3's population. I'm just ready to lose it. I feel like I'm failing my child right and left. If I made more money, I could afford to send him to wherever I wanted. If I hadn't flooded the bathroom, maybe he would have done better at Stephen Gaynor. If I hadn't tried to do my own taxes last year, we wouldn't be in this stupid IRS mix up situation. Someone give me a do over. Please. I just want someone to be able to tell me honestly that Kannon will end up in the best possible place for him next year. At this point, it doesn't look like that is happening and I'm heart sick. I don't know what else to do except maybe scream or kick something. </b></span></span></div>
Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-8161435962050922222012-02-24T05:34:00.002-05:002012-03-27T08:40:39.635-04:00The madness of NYC school<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >It has been a long time since the last post and many things have happened. Briefly:</span><br style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><ul style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><li>Kannon started therapies (PT, OT, Speech and ABA) in October and has progressed by leaps and bounds. He was only in early intervention for 6 weeks, thankfully. His speech therapist canceled on us last minute just over 50% of the time!</li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><li>We had Kannon's IEP meeting with the district. Someone was watching over us and we were assigned to a wonderful district rep. He agreed to an increase in services. Now, Kannon receives Speech 5 x 30 minutes, PT 2 x 30 minutes, OT 3x 45 minutes and ABA/SEIT services for 20 hours a week - plus he is in school for 19 1/2 hours a week. He's a busy guy. His IEP recommendation was for a special class in an integrated setting with no more than a 15:1:2 ratio.<br /></li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><li>Although we were initially resistant to ABA therapy, his ABA/SEIT has been a complete angel. She has done more for Kannon than all of the therapies combined. She is even going to open houses with us to determine the best options for Kannon's placement next year. </li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><li>We moved! On December 19th, we said goodbye to Chelsea and hello to the Upper West Side. Although the months leading up to the move were very stressful, it was so worth it. The building is great, apartment is big, residents are friendly and Kannon really flourished having his own bedroom.<br /></li></ul><ul style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;"><li>We have learned A LOT about autism. I think I've learned to embrace the label and be proud of it in a way. There is such a stigma around that word and I feel bound to educate people.<br /></li></ul><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">Currently, we are searching for a school for next year. It is quite clear that Kannon is gifted. His facility for reading and numbers is far beyond his years. It is a very daunting task to try to find an appropriate school. We're trying to find a place where he can receive the therapies that he needs (preferably via CPSE so that we wont' have to pay out of pocket), that will nurture his gifts and understand his needs - AND that we can afford.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">New York City preschools are notorious. I highly recommend the documentary "Nursery University" it is a very real look into the world of NYC preschools. It's alternately hilarious and nauseating. Add to that the special needs element and it's a whole new layer of complication.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">We have looked at private special ed schools, private integrated schools, private mainstream schools, CPSE integrated schools, CPSE special ed schools and are also considering keeping him where he is. I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what the best place for him is. That and unlimited funds to be able to send him. There is a school specifically for autistic children right around the corner from our apartment. The tuition per year is (sit down for this) $100,000! The "cheaper" school, which is 4 blocks away and for various types of special needs is $57,000 per year. We did apply to that school in the hopes of getting financial aid, but the application fee alone was $150. Fortunately, they waived that for us.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">We have also applied to a school that is specifically for "twice exceptional children" - children who are gifted, but have special needs. That one is much more reasonable at $28,000 to $40,000 depending on the program.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">Perhaps the biggest dilemma as it relates to school is that my favorite CPSE option that I have seen is not integrated. It is entirely special ed with an 8:1:2 ratio. One of Kannon's OTs recommended this place. Admittedly, I was skeptical. Kannon is so bright and verbal that I could not imagine him in a special ed school, plus, that notion flies in the face of what his IEP, evaluators and others have said. When I attended the open house, I was blown away. They are caring, the facility is amazing and the kids were so much more functional than I had pictured. The school did an observation of Kannon and in 20 minutes had him pegged. The catch is twofold: In order to attend the school, we will have to change the IEP. I don't have a problem doing that, so long as there are no long-term implications (kindergarten placement, etc.). Worse, they don't let you know if you're in until late April or early May - WAYYYY past the deadline for other schools. I'm just putting my faith out there and trusting my gut that he will end up where he is supposed to and it will all work out.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">As you can imagine, all of this is incredibly stressful. We also started nutritional intervention back in September. As soon as we removed dairy & soy from Kannon's diet, he started sleeping through the night. We have also removed gluten. His nutritionist is wonderful, but also extremely expensive and not covered by insurance.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">We saw a developmental pediatrician the day before Thanksgiving. She feels that Kannon will do very well and may outgrow his diagnosis (which many people have told us). Although his educational diagnosis was PDD-NOS, she diagnosed him as ASD with the expectation that insurance would cover more.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">PDD or ASD, I don't really care about the label anymore. The blessing of all of this is that I am a better parent. I understand Kannon so much better than I did before. I understand his outbursts, fixation with trains, his constant opening and closing of doors, why he has trouble with transitions, etc. He is communicating so much better. He has always had a large vocabulary, but his pragmatic language has improved vastly. His diet has completely opened up, too - no more baby food! He is potty trained! so much of this is due to his wonderful therapists, especially Stephanie, his ABA/SEIT.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">I'd be lying if I said it was all roses. While I choose to dwell on the positives, it has taken a toll. Marriage is not easy to begin with, but with all of the extra stress and the extra financial burden, it is extremely difficult. We are both exhausted, doing the best we can and trying to have a relationship with each other, but it's very hard. Glenn has been going through a lot in terms of his career, too, which just adds fuel to the fire. He is the best father any child could ask for. We all have our issues, though, including me. </p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">Let me preface this by saying that I wouldn't change a thing about Kannon. Not one hair on his perfect little head. He is the joy of my day every day - even when he's not having a great day. That said, I am angry sometimes. After losing Dashiell, I mourned all of the things I pictured he would do - his first day of school, his play dates, etc. When the diagnosis was handed down, it was a little bit like losing some of that all over again. It forced me to recalibrate my expectations. Now, when I think if Kannon's future, although I am 100% certain he'll be fine, I do worry more. What if something were to happen to me. Who would help Glenn? Who would help Kannon? Who would make sure that he didn't eat sugar, that he took all of his daily supplements, that he got to his therapies on time.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">I feel very lucky on one hand that it is "only Autism" and not cancer or worse. However, I wonder sometimes why nothing has been easy since 2007 - that horrible year that fundamentally changed who I am.<br /></p><p style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">Now, I try to explain to my sisters the challenges that we face. When I referred to Kannon as a special-needs child the other night, my sister quickly replied, "I'd hardly call him a special-needs child." They just don't get it. I suppose it is unfair to expect them to, but it certainly adds to my feelings of isolation.<br /></p><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;font-family:georgia;" >Onwards and upwards. I'll post once we have placement for Kannon. I'll post some pictures, too. I plan to keep breathing, keep believing and keep advocating as much as I can for my beautiful, gifted, blonde bubbaloo.</span><br /></p>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-85515286810378119152011-10-12T12:39:00.005-04:002012-03-27T08:41:32.212-04:00Are you kidding me?<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Camp2191%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Camp2191%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Camp2191%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 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{page:WordSection1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m not even sure where to begin.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It has been far too long since my last entry and our lives have changed in some big ways.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We purchased an apartment through the Mitchell Lama program back in July.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Yeah!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We’re finally moving to a 2 bedroom apartment.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">In fact, when I first brought Kannon up to show him his room, he immediately ran into the closet and said, “Wow!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Look at my new closet!”</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">We thought we would have moved in my mid-September at the latest, but the place has been nothing but headaches.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The floors and ceilings are asbestos – hello built in 1968.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Our first unexpected expense was $2800 to abate the piece of the ceiling that was falling down.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Cut to mid-August on a very rainy day:</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I was removing the baseboards when I noticed that the walls were wet.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Well, friends, we have a leak in the freaking façade of the building!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The worst part of this is that whoever the moron is that lives in the apartment above us has known about said leak for over 3 years.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Not only did she never tell the current super, but she also did not tell the building when they did the waterproofing back in JUNE!!!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Luckily, Hurricane Irene brought a lot of rain and shed the light that the leak is affecting approximately 12-14 apartments in the building.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Because of this, they have to fix it more quickly.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">(I use the term quickly very loosely, because as of today, it has not been fixed.)</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">On the bright side, once it is fixed from the outside, the mold experts will be brought in to take care of that issue, the new drywall will be put up and then we can lay our flooring.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Tenative move date: November 21, but stay tuned.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Consider me hopeful, but doubtful. </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Also, our idiot neighbor upstairs flooded their bathroom and the water has damaged our bathroom ceiling.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The medicine cabinet is beyond repair.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We have owned the place since 7-29 and have already had to file 2 insurance claims.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m sure we’ll love it once we’re there.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It’s on the 18<sup>th</sup> floor, has a balcony, a view of Central Park and the reservoir, but at this point, I kind of feel like it’s just a black hole that is constantly sucking money that we do not have!</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Aside from the apartment, Kannon started school on September 7<sup>th</sup>.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The school was not our first choice, but we could not be happier that he ended up there.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">For the first day, we were asked to have one parent stay all day.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I didn’t want to miss it, so I took the day off and headed to preschool.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Kannon was all over the place.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He would not stop running around, would not really participate with the group and just wanted to do his own thing. </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I started talking to one of the other moms whose child has sensory processing disorder.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">As she was describing the symptoms to me, it really sounded like Kannon.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I had heard of this back in January and mentioned to Glenn that we may want to look into this, but he thought it was silly and Kannon was fine.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I ignored my instincts, which I should have known not to do, but hindsight is 20/20.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">The mom referred me to her son’s occupational therapist (herein referred to as OT), who referred me to early intervention and another OT.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We decided to bite the bullet and pay the $800 for a private evaluation by the OT and also start the early intervention process.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I was fully expecting a diagnosis of sensory processing disorder.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It explained so much. </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Glenn took Kannon to the OT evaluation on 9-20.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Kannon fell in love with this woman.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He had a great time and had a nice, long nap after his session.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">My uneducated guess was that he was probably stimulated in the way he needed to be in order to allow his brain to settle down. </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">We met with the OT the following Monday.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">She confirmed that he definitely did need therapy, but could not provide a diagnosis.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">She did say that he exhibited several “spectrum behaviors”.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Excuse me? </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Did she mean spectrum as in Autism spectrum?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Not possible!</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">My child is brilliant.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He can count well above 100, reads at a 1<sup>st</sup><sup>nd</sup> grade level, has good eye contact, shows emotion. or 2</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">No way.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Nevertheless, we decided to start Kannon with therapy so that we don’t have to wait until the Early Intervention kicks in.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Tuesday, September 27 is a day that I will not soon forget.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It was my niece Caroline’s 4<sup>th</sup> birthday.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">It was also the day of Kannon’s evaluation by the Early Intervention psychologist.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Glenn was to bring Kannon, since I had to work.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I asked him to call me once it was over to see how it went.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Around 12:15, my office phone rang and it was Glenn.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He was still at the evaluation and put the psychologist on the phone to speak with me.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Your son has PDD-NOS, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He is very high functioning.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">OK, what does that mean?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The short version is that PDD-NOS is a catchall diagnosis for people who exhibit some spectrum behaviors, but do not fall into the other autism categories (Rhett’s Syndrome, Aspergers, etc.). </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I remember feeling as if the world had stopped and everything was in slow-motion.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I honestly could not believe what I was hearing.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">As she went on to describe her findings, she mentioned so many of the behaviors that we have found so adorable: reading, obsession with letters and numbers, repetitive speech, being all over the place, etc.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I hung up the phone and sobbed.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I had a meeting about 5 minutes later and clearly was not ok.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">My wonderful boss told me to go home and take the rest of the day off.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">As I rode the subway home, my mind was racing.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">How is it possible that when I mentioned his sensory issues to his pediatrician every single time, not once did she recommend that he be evaluated?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">How was I supposed to know what Early Intervention is?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Why did I not push harder?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Why did I not follow my instincts back in January? Why, after all we have been through, is this happening to us?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">It’s hard to explain the mental shift that happened that day.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I went to work not terribly concerned and I came home looking at Kannon as a sort of China doll who I was afraid to handle.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I didn’t want to break him anymore than I already had.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I spent about 3 days feeling very angry and sorry for Kannon and for my family.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I heard more than once, “Why did you wait so long?”</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">To those I say (pardon my language), “F*** YOU!”</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Do not make me feel any worse than I already do.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I fought like Hell to get this child here safely.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I wouldn’t stand in the same room as a microwave when it was running.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I would not set foot in a hair salon for fear of breathing in the chemicals.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I would cross the street to avoid second-hand smoke.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I did not touch any artificial sweeteners or alcohol during my pregnancy with him.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">How dare you suggest that I have done something wrong.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">OK, I ignored my instincts, but that was essentially because of the silence of Kannon’s pediatrician.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">At this point, I have nothing but anger and disdain for this pediatrician.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">If one more person tells me, “It could be so much worse.” Or, “We are only given what we can handle” I may punch them. Of course I know it could be worse.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Hello, I already have one dead kid, remember? </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Am I not allowed to grieve for what I thought my only living son’s childhood would be like?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Am I not allowed to be angry?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Am I not allowed to feel sad and afraid?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I realize that comments like this come from a loving place, but sometimes you just need someone to listen and keep the commentary to a minimum.</span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">So, where do we go from here?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Well, since then Kannon has had physical therapy, speech and occupational therapy evaluations via Early Intervention.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We are awaiting our official meeting.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Early Intervention only lasts until he is 3.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We are simultaneously starting the CPSE process.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m really looking forward to the meeting where my child is officially declared disabled.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Isn’t that what every parent dreams of?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We need to decide if he will stay in his school or move into an integrated classroom in a special school. </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">We are also going to see a nutritionist at the behest of the OT.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">That only costs $395, so hey, why not go every day?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We have already eliminated dairy and gluten on our own.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We’ve also added an Omega 3 / Omega 6/ DHA supplement.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I have to say, he is definitely sleeping better.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We’ll also be bringing Kannon to a developmental pediatrician and also need to find a new general pediatrician.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I am not setting foot back in that old office.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We need to work with Kannon every day at home on his “sensory diet”.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">Being the eternal optimist that I am, I need to say that if my child has to have something, I’m very thankful that it is something that we can cope with.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Thank God it’s not cancer or some other terminal illness.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m so thankful that we found the OT that we did.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Not only does Kannon love her, but she is working with us to provide us with services we can afford.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m thankful that he is in preschool at Chelsea Piers.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We could not ask for a more supportive environment for him (and us).</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m thankful for my wonderful </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">husband who has made a temporary career of being a stay at home dad for the last year.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Although it hasn’t been by choice, it’s great that he is there every day throughout this process. </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m thankful for my very understanding employer, for my supportive family and friends.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m thankful for my beautiful boy who brings a smile to my face many times each day.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I love him with all of my heart and I will fight until my last breath to get him whatever he needs to succeed.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-family: georgia; font-weight: bold;font-family:georgia;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:100%;">I’m most thankful for the unanimous consensus that Kannon will most likely “outgrow” this and may even lose his diagnosis eventually.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">We have a long road ahead of us, but we also have every reason to be optimistic.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The downside of having a high-functioning child is that it is more difficult to detect.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">The upside is that getting to a functional place is usually faster and much more likely. </span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">In my heart, I know that he is going to be fine.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I just need to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths, enjoy every second with him and live each day as it comes.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">He is still the best thing that has ever happened to me.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">I have every reason to believe that our family will come out closer and stronger as a result of this.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Still, I can’t believe we have one more huge thing to tackle…</span></p>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-32382843295832157272011-05-18T21:25:00.001-04:002011-05-18T21:25:04.220-04:00Photo Book<object width="425" height="425" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000"><param name="movie" value="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/flashapps/flashslideshowphotobook/slideshow_pb.swf"/><param name="flashvars" value="xmlURL=http%3A%2F%2Fws.shutterfly.com%2Fpsdata%3FprojectGUID%3D1AatHDRy1as4cW%26uid%3D003050594845%26size%3D0%26ts%3D1305768286000%26height%3D425%26width%3D425&size=0&ob=0&fc=0&ss=0&sb=0&ft=0"/><param name="menu" value="false"/><param name="quality" value="best"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><embed width="425" height="425" align="middle" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" name="wrapper" quality="best" menu="false" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" flashvars="xmlURL=http%3A%2F%2Fws.shutterfly.com%2Fpsdata%3FprojectGUID%3D1AatHDRy1as4cW%26uid%3D003050594845%26size%3D0%26ts%3D1305768286000%26height%3D425%26width%3D425&size=0&ob=0&fc=0&ss=0&sb=0&ft=0" src="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/flashapps/flashslideshowphotobook/slideshow_pb.swf"></embed></object><p style="width:425px;margin-top:0;text-align:center;"><a href="http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=1AatHDRy1as3Hg&eid=115">Click here to view this photo book larger</a><img width="1" height="1" border="0" src="https://os.shutterfly.com/b/ss/sflyshareprod/1/H.15/111?pageName=sharekey&c1=photobook&c2=blogger" /></p>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-32796725924316414322010-12-23T11:05:00.003-05:002010-12-23T11:13:21.912-05:00Update<span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I have been very bad about writing updates. Briefly, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span> turned 2 at the beginning of the month. He is more and more fun each day. He is speaking in 5-6 word sentences, soaks info up like a sponge and has grown quite a bit. At his appointment on 12-9, he was 27.5 lbs and 35 3/4 inches. His head circumference growth has tapered off, which is a huge relief. All in all, he is doing extremely well!</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I, on the other hand, had to have a second surgery on my back on 11-19 and am still recovering, but doing quite well. I was prepared for a horrible recovery <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">ala</span> the first surgery, but this has been much easier. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">It dawned on me today that my sister, who will be with me at Christmas is just about as pregnant as I was in Christmas of 2007 when I lost Dash. I love her so much and she always honors <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span> with some kind of donation in his name at Christmas, but I am honestly dreading the moment that I see her belly. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /></span><strong><span style="color:#000099;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">I realize that this is highly irrational. I have beautiful little guy who I love more than I ever dreamed possible, but I still miss Dash. I will always wonder what my life would have been like had things not gone so wrong. This is the first Christmas we will be with family since that awful Christmas. It is definitely bittersweet. I love seeing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span> light up when he sees a tree or Santa. The memories and grief just seem to hit at the strangest times and the emotion is just <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">heightened</span> by the holiday.</span> </span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-44899062442953894842010-08-11T11:18:00.003-04:002010-08-11T11:26:00.806-04:00What is a "Cooqua"?<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This is just one of those funny things I have to document so that I won't forget it. Kannon always points to the 2 corners in our bathtub and says "Cooqua" (pronounced Koo-Kwa). It drives Glenn crazy! Glenn has the "cooqua" idea that they are portals to the spirit world. While I do believe there are spirits around us, that seems like quite a stretch. Glenn was completely freaked out the other day when Kannon pointed to it and said "Cooqua, daddy you fall". It makes me laugh and I think the word is cute!<br /><br />One more funny story from today: We are traveling upstate tomorrow and I've been burning the Wonder Pets to DVD so that we'll have some entertainment for the train. This morning, I was standing in front of the TV holding the remote. Kannon sneaked up beside me, but I didn't see him. When I went to lift the remote, it hit him in the head. I said, "I'm sorry, pumpkin" to which he replied, "NAUGHTY!" I explained that it was an accident and that naughty is when you do something you're not supposed to do on purpose. On the bright side. I guess he knows what naughty is! (I wonder how he ever learned that...)<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span></span><br /></span></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-15256511591421166582010-08-05T19:01:00.001-04:002010-08-06T11:32:57.138-04:00Trip to the Dentist<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Today was <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Kannon's</span> first trip to the dentist. I was dreading this and so was Glenn. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Kannon</span> has always been terrified of doctors and it only got worse after he had his stitches back in January. <br /><br />I'd been noticing some brown stains on his front two teeth and I was nervous that he may be getting a cavity. I figured that we'd better bite the bullet and go. Luckily we found a kind, gentle and extremely calm pediatric dentist who was wonderful. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Kannon</span> was fine until he had to be examined. He screamed during the exam, which I fully expected, but he stopped as soon as the exam was over. <br /><br />The stains appear to be just stains. Since they are only cosmetic and can be removed later, he just brushed K's teeth and applied the fluoride. We were told to switch over to a nylon brush and to use just a tiny dab of fluoridated toothpaste 2x/day. We don't have to go back for another year!<br /><br />I was so concerned that he would have a hard time, that I didn't even think to take any pictures. I did laugh when I saw that the goody bag contained floss. We can barely brush his teeth, so no flossing for now. <br /><br />I have to admit that the whole experience reminded my that my beautiful baby boy is growing up. He's a little boy now, but he'll always be my baby.<br /></span></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-68908406831169369892010-07-22T09:01:00.003-04:002010-07-22T09:06:17.528-04:00Kannon's latest<span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Disclaimer: I am about to brag here. About 2 weeks ago, Kannon has started counting to 10 and can identify & name numbers 1-10 and 12! I can also identify and name all of the letters of the alphabet (except m and n). He loves to shout out numbers and letters when he sees them in the aisles of stores, on the street, on the subway. (and I do mean shout) He is so proud of himself when he does. Not too bad for a 19 1/2 month old! <br /><br />Yesterday, he was playing with his squirt toy walrus in the bathtub and actually said walrus, well more like wallwuss, but you get the idea. It's difficult to remember that we have to be extremely careful about what we say in front of him because he is a parrot.<br /><br />Now, if we could only get him to eat real vegetables instead of purees only...<br /></span></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-42738835466463709192010-07-17T09:33:00.005-04:002010-07-17T09:51:03.368-04:00Dash<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAxI0B98hVEwxKgqy9F61IK02Yx_1UhQJFpzOd-_dQg3RSUuk9ImF0VdUnQwmFXsCERzbP3Lj2OvA0rc629uFRcTstwfK701oyGQ_II4WnzE-Nh_OJOvQ79bi-X9J80NjTYEXrqlGicufX/s1600/Dashiell.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAxI0B98hVEwxKgqy9F61IK02Yx_1UhQJFpzOd-_dQg3RSUuk9ImF0VdUnQwmFXsCERzbP3Lj2OvA0rc629uFRcTstwfK701oyGQ_II4WnzE-Nh_OJOvQ79bi-X9J80NjTYEXrqlGicufX/s400/Dashiell.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5494868389590731906" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >I guess I'm in one of those down phases at the moment. I'm so thankful to have </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" >Kannon</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >. He brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined. Over the past few days, I've been feeling </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" >Dash's</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" > loss more than I usually do.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about Dash, but normally, the sadness does not overtake me. I've just been missing him terribly. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >This past week, friend of a friend lost her only child 1 day after her first birthday. Seeing that beautiful baby's final photo brought me back to that awful day. I would never equate my loss to hers. That child struggled with a rare brain cancer from her second week of life. I can only imagine how much more difficult that is, but I certainly know what it is to lose a child.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >When I was in Florida in March, my sister told me that she didn't feel that I had grieved properly. Although I realize that her concern comes from a place of love, it made me incredibly angry. As any angel mom will tell you, you just can't understand unless you've been through it yourself. It is a pain that I would never wish on anyone. Glenn also commented on how seeing the photo I mentioned earlier was painful for him. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >I had a very vivid dream last night and my mother and I had a long talk. In the dream, she had drawn a rainbow perfectly on a piece of paper. She was legally blind, so I was amazed that she had been able to execute the drawing so meticulously. I have no doubt that it was her way of comforting me and letting me know that </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" >Dashiell</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" > is with her and he is </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" >ok</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >The photo above was taken by a woman in Australia who also lost her son. She takes name requests and photographs their names in the sand for bereaved parents. ( </span><a style="font-family: georgia; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" href="http://towritetheirnamesinthesand.blogspot.com/">towritetheirnamesinthesand.blogspot.com</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" > )It took me a very long time to get my request through, but I finally did this past March. I used to call </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" >Dashiell</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" > "my light". I feel as though he was right there, shining in the sky right above his name.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia;" >I love you, my light.</span><br /></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-57876054103914835032010-06-15T12:41:00.007-04:002010-06-18T08:05:04.960-04:00Update - Finally!<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ8B2NUzPSIzPBcK6IZDX57YQC4PuLidnFpSzTwgnaErmRzriJJpHiCaa3J0-h366ChEIZSX-pIm2kfpcMPOLvNVnsIDrzi4oJnNcWbEb74c3DKkwID5iKJPUoN0lekVRznChDY5AZDmnR/s1600/2010.6.13+Close+up+smile.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ8B2NUzPSIzPBcK6IZDX57YQC4PuLidnFpSzTwgnaErmRzriJJpHiCaa3J0-h366ChEIZSX-pIm2kfpcMPOLvNVnsIDrzi4oJnNcWbEb74c3DKkwID5iKJPUoN0lekVRznChDY5AZDmnR/s320/2010.6.13+Close+up+smile.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483053974100271426" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">I keep telling myself to sit down and write an update, but working full time and having a very active 18 month old is about all I've been able to handle recently! Kannon turned 18 months at the beginning of this month - 18 months! Time flies and stands still at the same time. To think that three years ago today I had no intention of ever becoming pregnant and since then have had two baby boys mystifies me.<br /><br />This has always been a sad time of year for me. 11 years ago tomorrow, my mother lost her brave battle with colon cancer. 11 years ago Friday, on what would have been her 58th birthday, we buried her. I miss her so much. She was the ultimate mother and would have most definitely been the ultimate grandmother. It does give me some comfort knowing that her soul and Dash's soul are together somewhere. I feel them looking out for me and I know in my heart that she is taking care of him.<br /><br />It seems as though Kannon does something funny, says something new, figures something out every day lately. Here are just a few of the many things I want to remember:<br /><br />FEBRUARY 2010: While friends were over (yes, I had witnesses to this) and I was changing his diaper. He reached down, grabbed himself and said "penis" clear as day!<br /><br />MARCH 2010: We took a trip to Florida. Kannon had his first trip to Disney World and loved "Its a Small World". He also rode the Dumbo ride and saw the parade. We spent some time in Orlando with my sister, Kelly and my niece and nephew Brady. Kelly and I made the mistake of buying the same blanket for Brady & Kannon. Of course, they were 6 months or so at the time. At times, they had all out wars fighting over their blue blankets! Kannon also liked to go up to Brady and take his pacifier right out of his mouth and promptly put it into his. When we were not in Orlando, we stayed at the Daytona condo with my dad & Barb. Kannon LOVED the ocean. I swear, the child has no fear. He would chase the waves back into the ocean. Although I loved my time there with him, I think I did get a few new gray hairs from the experience. We also got to see my sisters Ashley & Jennifer, my brother-in-laws and my beautiful niece Caroline. Kannon was great on the plane, but we both became extremely ill the day that we got home. (thank you, norovirus). I won't soon forget how awful it was to try to take care of a vomiting, feverish 15 month old by myself while I was vomiting and feverish right along with him.<br /><br />APRIL 2010: Glenn returned home on the last day of March, so we'll call it April. He couldn't believe how big Kannon was. It took a bit for Kannon to warm up, but they enjoyed going to the park (sometimes multiple parks) each day.<br /><br />MAY 2010: On May 22, Glenn's opening night, I left Kannon with a sitter at night for the first time ever. The only other day I have not been there to put Kannon to bed was the day I had to stay overnight in the hospital after my surgery in Feb '09. It was nervewracking, but we love our sitter so much (and so does Kannon) that it made the evening a little easier. He did really well with her.<br /><br />JUNE 2010: Kannon turned 18 months! He just had his check up and is between the 15-20% for weight (24.9 lb) and in the 75% for height (33") - a little string bean, just like his dad, of course. His head is still extremely large and we have to go back to the doctor in 2 months for another check. Hopefully, the head growth will taper off. He's doing great developmentally and has such a sense of humor. Although he still looks nothing like me, he definitely has some of my mannerisms.This month, he also figured out how to get over the bed, so we had to take down the gate we rigged. Within 2 minutes of taking the gate down, he scaled a bookcase and got up onto the windowsill and "hailed" a taxi!<br /><br />We also tried fingerpainting for the first time on Sunday. I made the paints out of flour, water & food coloring and it was quite the experience. He talked the entire time and I laughed the entire time. We were trying to make fathers day gifts. I'm so thankful Taifa was with me. It was definitely a two person job, but it was also so nice to share the experience with another adult who could appreciate how my kitchen, Kannon and I looked when it was all over!<br /></span></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1jvXHl_mnnduCvW5pAEYUkrIRFBl8un_Wkbci_d6yTA5wVBc46SregmrnYCDSaIOUR6n3NQQeZMUPh7FDHnF8F9ICMih-BaG02PZdFplE9hxnK3DyO9-TljcuL90G_8afFAAoPu-i8HnW/s1600/In+the+middle.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1jvXHl_mnnduCvW5pAEYUkrIRFBl8un_Wkbci_d6yTA5wVBc46SregmrnYCDSaIOUR6n3NQQeZMUPh7FDHnF8F9ICMih-BaG02PZdFplE9hxnK3DyO9-TljcuL90G_8afFAAoPu-i8HnW/s320/In+the+middle.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483053975207149970" border="0" /></a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpkwh6kcVl3HkMyx15uTfmKsL1akErUDZE1npnXvxY7j85KAD2N89FY1x8LrLw5LF-90lfdfksGz92osrqsMFEw1nfd8Rw6pqHCl0TZGtWYYgT-GfMbYpLwo1gGY2Yl9ONdJTwAVBBRk1p/s1600/Mama+and+Kannon+close+up.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpkwh6kcVl3HkMyx15uTfmKsL1akErUDZE1npnXvxY7j85KAD2N89FY1x8LrLw5LF-90lfdfksGz92osrqsMFEw1nfd8Rw6pqHCl0TZGtWYYgT-GfMbYpLwo1gGY2Yl9ONdJTwAVBBRk1p/s320/Mama+and+Kannon+close+up.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5483053983071933170" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br />THINGS KANNON DOES / HAS RECENTLY DONE:<br />- One day while cleaning in the kitchen, he suddenly stopped tugging at my leg. A few seconds later, I heard him "ROAR". I looked down and he was sitting grabbing the front of his diaper (which had a tiger on it) and roaring.<br /><br />-The other day while eating dinner, he looked at Glenn and said "oh" with the saddest expression. He held it for a few seconds, then laughed. I really hope we don't have another actor here!<br /><br />- Glenn had a friend come visit recently and it was the first time I realized we may have a bit of only child syndrome on our hands. He wanted to be the center of attention the whole time. He would climb onto our guest's lap when we weren't paying attention to him!<br /><br />- Kannon loves to play in the hallway. He will run and laugh hysterically if you run after him. I'm so thankful that we have such nice neighbors<br /><br />- Kannon is loving the water features at the city parks. He has boundless energy!<br /><br />-The other day, I was cleaning up some toys on the floor and he grabbed my hand and said, "don't"<br /><br />-Kannon likes to "help" in the kitchen. By help, I mean go through the fridge, play with the dishwasher, etc. He also loves to "sort" the laundry.<br /><br />WORDS KANNON SAYS<br />Hi<br />Help<br />Mama<br />Dada<br />Clock<br />Hallway<br />Tick tock<br />Head<br />Linny,Tuck, Ming Ming (the wonder pets)<br />Sit Down<br />No<br />Stop<br />Don't<br />Out<br />Naughty (can you guess where he learned these last few words?)<br />Down<br />Sad<br />Happy<br />Hello<br />Who is this (when playing with the phone)<br />Hot<br />Coffee<br />Taxi<br />Car<br />Read (sounds more like wenye, but he means read!)<br />Pat (as in pat, pat, pat from Little Einsteins)<br />Red<br />Elmo<br />Close(d)<br />Swing<br />Slide<br />Whee! (as in whee, I'm on the swing)<br />Shoe<br />Sock<br />Please<br />Thank you<br />On<br />Off<br />Hole<br /><br /><br />- I know I'm missing a bunch here, so I'll come back and edit this later.<br /><br />Letters Kannon Says and can Identify:<br />A, B, C, L, O, Q, X, Y<br /><br />Numbers Kannon </span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">Says and can Identify:</span></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family:georgia;">3,4,5,6,8 (the numerical sequence in our elevator is L, 3, 4, 5, 6)<br /><br />I cherish every day I am blessed to spend with this little guy. He brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined! (He also makes me lose sleep more than I could have imagined, but it is all worth it)<br /><br /><br /></span></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-87157759802116681872010-01-31T11:17:00.002-05:002010-02-01T11:28:36.452-05:00Stitches<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">We had our first really bad accident last Friday night. The day had been wonderful. Just before dinner, Glenn arrived home with a box full of belated birthday and Christmas presents from Aunt Kelly & co. He was thoroughly enjoying every minute of opening the packages. He had his bath and was watching Little Einsteins. I left the room to get his bottle and said to Glenn, "Can you please watch him for a minute?" "Sure," he replied. Well, not more than 2 minutes later, I hear <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Kannon</span> cry and Glenn say "Oh my God, OH MY GOD,!" I turned the corner and saw <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Kannon</span>, in Glenn's arms bleeding profusely from the face. Glenn turned his back for a minute to get on the computer (which I have told him a THOUSAND times NOT TO DO!) and apparently <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Kannon</span> grabbed our dog, Lucy and she bit him.<br /><br />It was pretty bad. He had 1 puncture wound above the lip and the other started next to it and tore down through his lip. We took him to the ER and, fortunately, were sent to the "fast track". "Fast Track" is a relative term, however. We arrived around 8:30 and did not see a doctor until around 10:30. <br /><br />She decided that it would be best to call in a plastic surgeon to do the stitches. Because the bite ripped through the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">vermilion</span> border (his lip line) if it was stitched carelessly, his lips could have been permanently misaligned. We had to wait for the doctor for about an hour. When he finally showed up, we quickly realized that he was worth the wait. He even brought his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">iphone</span> preloaded with "Yo <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Gabba</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Gabba</span>"! We tried to distract <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Kannon</span>, but it was hopeless. He fought like crazy. All in all, he ended up with 5 stitches. It broke my heart.<br /><br />He had his follow up with his plastic surgeon on Wednesday. Note to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Kannon</span> - maybe you should be a plastic surgeon! Then, you could have a beautiful office on Park Ave & 70<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">th</span> street where you could offer cappuccinos to your patients, too! The doctor said that it will likely be a permanent scar, but it is healing well. We can call him in 3-6 months if it still looks really bad. <br /><br />Ironically, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Kannon</span> is more interested in Lucy than ever! He goes after her constantly and fearlessly. I guess he hasn't learned his lesson, but I have and I really hope Glenn has!<br /></span></span></span>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-88829223318576417042010-01-04T07:26:00.000-05:002010-01-04T08:44:11.912-05:00Rejuvenated<strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Today, I feel as though my soul has been rejuvenated. I hate this time of year. I hated it before losing Dashiell. The days are generally cold and gray. There are no holidays to look forward to. It just seems to drag until Spring nears and the daylight lasts longer. Having lost Dash on Christmas day gave me a whole new reason to detest this time of year. I returned to work 8 days after giving birth to him. In retrospect, I realize how stupid that was. When I think of this time of year, it brings me back to sitting at my desk alone at American Express crying all day long. Last year, although much better, was still really rough. I found out that I was losing my job on 1/14. Kannon was in the ER on 2/2 and my back deteriorated beyond the point of no return on that same day. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">That said, I feel like today is the first day of Spring. Why, you ask? Because yesterday, for the first time since August 2008, I had a date with Glenn! To make it even better, the date consisted of a wonderful Broadway show (Ragtime) and dinner at an Italian restaurant. The show was fantastic. Ironically, Glenn and I saw the original Ragtime almost 12 years ago to the day, on 12/31/97. It brought me back to that time, which to be honest, did make me a little sad. I was an actress auditioning full force back then. Now, I'm the right age for my type and I can't help but to wonder what my life would have been like had I trudged through and stuck with it. On the flip side, I most likely would not have Kannon or Dash. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">The show resonated with me in an whole new way now that I am a mother. I heard so many of the lyrics, which I've heard a million times, in a new way. The subject matter is particularly relevant now, given the economic meltdown, Obama as president, etc. It reminds me how far we have come, but how far we still have to go. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">At any rate, I thoroughly enjoyed the show and sitting in a dark theater holding Glenn's hand. On the way home, we called to see how Kannon was and my dear friend, who was watching Kannon, suggested that we go out to dinner. At that moment, the heavens opened up and I heard angelic music. Really? Dinner at a restaurant with my husband? Can this be happening? We enjoyed ourselves immensely. When we got home, Kannon was sleeping. Of course, he woke up several times in the night with the teething and all, but I really didn't care. Yesterday was a fantastic day. Thank you, Taifa & Paul for the best present ever!!!</span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-39572403513587014272010-01-02T20:10:00.002-05:002010-01-02T20:21:42.090-05:00Hello 2010!<strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">I have said goodbye to 2009 happily, but with mixed emotions. Many awful things happened last year, but I also had the opportunity to see my little guy grow up during his first year. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Bad memories:</span></strong><br /><ul><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Losing my job</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Having back surgery and the looong recovery</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Living through a colicky baby while not being able to walk and trying to apply for jobs</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Not knowing when and if I' ever be employed again</span></strong></li></ul><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Good memories (which far outweigh the bad):</span></strong><br /><ul><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Getting to stay home with Kannon until he was just over 10 months old. (if only I could win the lottery and stay home with him permanently)</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Having my surgery done by an amazing surgeon at an amazing hospital</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Getting not one, but two job offers and ending up exactly where I should be</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">A much closer relationship with my in-laws, especially after my father in law came out from Vegas not once, but twice to stay with us and help out during my recovery</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Having my entire family (almost) together to celebrate my niece's birthday</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Watching Kannon take his first steps, smile for the first time, learn to wave bye bye, watch him during his first "real" Christmas, experience his first birthday with him, watching him experience the zoo, the aquarium, sitting on Santa's lap, Toys R Us in Times Square, the swings, the park, etc. </span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Glenn getting an agent - finally!</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Watching Glenn be the most amazing and engaged father ever</span></strong></li><li><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">A stronger, deeper relationship with Glenn</span></strong></li></ul><p><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">I'm looking forward to a fantastic 2010. Let's get this party started!</span></strong></p>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-60444039513603095432009-12-26T10:53:00.004-05:002009-12-26T10:59:41.380-05:00Aunt Jenn<span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I am the oldest of 4 girls. My sisters are 18 months, 5 years and 10 years younger than I, respectively. My sister Jennifer, who is 18 months younger, and I really grew up together. Because we were only one year apart in school, we were always involved in after school activities, had many of the same friends, etc. We had our share of sisterly fights, but we have always been very close (as I have with all of my sisters). </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Jennifer is one of the smartest, most creative people I have ever met. She is also extremely thoughtful. When we were on the phone yesterday morning, she said, "Did you get <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell's</span> present." We did not, so she told me what it was. I told her that I was so touched that she remembered <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span> and thought to honor his birthday. After we hung up, she sent the email below. If this doesn't explain why I love her, I don't know what does. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">From Jennifer's email:</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><strong><span style="color:#000099;">I'm sorry that you didn't get a card informing you about <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell's</span> gift. (We placed the donation at the end of Nov, so I assumed it would get there in time.)<br />Anyway, here is the description of the product from UNICEF:<br />It’s not every day you give a present that can help a malnourished child. It’s not every day you give a present that can help a malnourished child. This milk based powder for the treatment of malnutrition can be used in emergency feeding centres, refugee camps and hospitals. The formula includes added vegetable fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals and boosts the chances of a malnourished child getting better.<br />Technical information: F-100 therapeutic diet, 2 sachets of 456g. Milk based powder for treatment of severe malnutrition. </span></strong><br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#000099;">Allison, you said that you were glad we remembered <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span>. Just so you know, you don't have to worry about us forgetting about him. He will always have a special place in our hearts, particularly on Christmas Day!</span></strong><br /><br /></span><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Love,<br />Aunt Jenn</span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-31173629969024123932009-12-25T21:01:00.003-05:002009-12-25T21:07:02.989-05:00Happy 2nd Birthday Dashiell<strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">My precious boy, 2 years ago today was the worst, but also one of the best days of my life. I will forever be thankful for those few brief hours when I was able to hold you in my arms. So many people think that having your baby brother should make me "get over" losing you. I am so thankful for Kannon, but I will never get over losing you. I will never stop missing you and I will never stop wondering what would have been, but I promise to enjoy each precious day I have with your little brother. Without you, he would not be here. You gave me the gift of realizing how much I wanted to be a mommy to a living baby. In a way, I guess I'm lucky. I get to be a mommy to a living baby and an angel. So many people never experience either. I love you with all my heart, my little light. Happy birthday, my Christmas angel.</span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-15225487246616960542009-12-24T10:23:00.003-05:002009-12-24T10:35:16.853-05:00Mixed Emotions<strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Oh God, I have such a love-hate relationship with Christmas since that fateful day back in 2007. Two years ago today, just before boarding a flight to Orlando, I felt my precious <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span> move for the last time. When we got to FL, I was feeling funny, just not quite right. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Nevertheless</span>, I had such a great day with my niece, Macy. She was so sweet. She got out one of her dad's cookbooks and read a "story" to my belly. She pulled up my shirt when she was done, kissed my belly, and said, "I love you, baby cousin." I was so excited. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">The next morning, we opened presents, which essentially amounted to a mini-baby shower. We are currently using some of the gifts we received that day. About 1 hour after that, we headed to the hospital and my world changed forever. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">Today, I am <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">alternating</span> between excitement to see <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span> tomorrow and depression of missing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span>, wondering how my life would be different. Of course, I realize that this is not productive, but as any angel mom would tell you, it is unavoidable. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">At the moment, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span> is napping. I am sitting on my couch typing and looking up at <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell's</span> memory box and the urn that contains his ashes. I am so thankful for both of my babies. They have both brought me so much joy and the gift of a mother's deep love. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">I know that tomorrow will be difficult, but I also know that there will be many moments of joy as I watch <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span>. I'm sure that my thoughts of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span> will be at the forefront of my mind, as well. There is never a good time to lose a child, but it is especially difficult to have such a joyous day juxtaposed with the worst day of my life. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Dashiell</span>, my angel, I miss you more than I can say. I know you are with us and I believe that <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kannon</span> sees you sometimes. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your grandma. I know that I will hold you again someday, but I am comforted knowing that you are with her until then. I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you. I will never stop missing you. You will always be my first baby, my precious gift, my angel.</span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-39453444486916642662009-12-23T11:29:00.006-05:002009-12-24T10:00:32.666-05:00A dream come true<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4G150HzT5L26eLuy4Siymo4zIRDN4zUIO4cB4XUWCSZrDonUC1JAuKmU2Lh1qQBaNHA8rFXShqh17faAwIlVZK9g6gKVKC8TpleWo5P7Tqe_1pGakUbRHAT0-7qg1ebvM8gjKEyNZ2n9/s1600-h/A+little+happier+with+Santa.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 257px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418486183646516946" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4G150HzT5L26eLuy4Siymo4zIRDN4zUIO4cB4XUWCSZrDonUC1JAuKmU2Lh1qQBaNHA8rFXShqh17faAwIlVZK9g6gKVKC8TpleWo5P7Tqe_1pGakUbRHAT0-7qg1ebvM8gjKEyNZ2n9/s320/A+little+happier+with+Santa.jpg" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3jh7uyJeylCAC6BXEd4edg6pgkSfJaWRHZvFBezKLRPFw8ORBM32wwRI-OuBXrHbbPnhvDwMRDV6oq79vFBO1NaVIjMUYhE4Sdyi3YDJLvLlUO6vI83sJjcKvJ0HxVkh1e717cUo5qfno/s1600-h/Screaming+with+Santa.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 257px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418486180314389842" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3jh7uyJeylCAC6BXEd4edg6pgkSfJaWRHZvFBezKLRPFw8ORBM32wwRI-OuBXrHbbPnhvDwMRDV6oq79vFBO1NaVIjMUYhE4Sdyi3YDJLvLlUO6vI83sJjcKvJ0HxVkh1e717cUo5qfno/s320/Screaming+with+Santa.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHHkhFBU3eGjOJ-zVhBIuaCFyWw2RvoWHL8j7vWfnySMW6YlK1m6UeHXWRA59rYCHy8K4rcvzCVhx6Hn9XthvYb1x6SnRwO1xQnkChfH9BD3xZ_6L8_mMC1OttJNgwsYUeNle7XLHjZj4e/s1600-h/Copy+of+Family+at+Santaland.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 293px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418486173157203954" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHHkhFBU3eGjOJ-zVhBIuaCFyWw2RvoWHL8j7vWfnySMW6YlK1m6UeHXWRA59rYCHy8K4rcvzCVhx6Hn9XthvYb1x6SnRwO1xQnkChfH9BD3xZ_6L8_mMC1OttJNgwsYUeNle7XLHjZj4e/s320/Copy+of+Family+at+Santaland.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrGlHOSfeDhVPEVVnCziCmKZ7QoBLPt2WMmF5f-AFLEbsN_uRL7YGgccymBom9xhPR6Ixo4RcRIaAwYONSJPAwdxYDzXjqtkgkLN686TnJqVMeKXy_ZMUz69a2y-SKrRQkAjPBhVWbz5Ux/s1600-h/Kannon+with+the+elf.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418485672732303522" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrGlHOSfeDhVPEVVnCziCmKZ7QoBLPt2WMmF5f-AFLEbsN_uRL7YGgccymBom9xhPR6Ixo4RcRIaAwYONSJPAwdxYDzXjqtkgkLN686TnJqVMeKXy_ZMUz69a2y-SKrRQkAjPBhVWbz5Ux/s320/Kannon+with+the+elf.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu11FiRSzbv7JRC9HTs6BtUzAZ5SGFjCJG-9x9GEWpW81Vjh3E8T2-3WDdAai2Up7q7DA_GTHZ0YPQ8idpD9-NQ8lDjTj3AxcWl1XboOnVFxaLb2hG95ookwhie41xmp9gx2gFa_ys9f6w/s1600-h/Santaland+5+-+touching+the+ornament.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418485666132364642" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu11FiRSzbv7JRC9HTs6BtUzAZ5SGFjCJG-9x9GEWpW81Vjh3E8T2-3WDdAai2Up7q7DA_GTHZ0YPQ8idpD9-NQ8lDjTj3AxcWl1XboOnVFxaLb2hG95ookwhie41xmp9gx2gFa_ys9f6w/s320/Santaland+5+-+touching+the+ornament.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmiU7V2Z0YQl7EtQTc2NusKFwZOQuJcV6n2-cilEMrCjZOzBRFPBvVIAmPUu79Cb07UgfnoqDVYWRVeSm-QVURlFEEFPS8WXvZdlem3b3vzcSpyIk88A7zgHePBBdEWAI2q8X_uREHrmNj/s1600-h/Santaland+4.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418485662966785954" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmiU7V2Z0YQl7EtQTc2NusKFwZOQuJcV6n2-cilEMrCjZOzBRFPBvVIAmPUu79Cb07UgfnoqDVYWRVeSm-QVURlFEEFPS8WXvZdlem3b3vzcSpyIk88A7zgHePBBdEWAI2q8X_uREHrmNj/s320/Santaland+4.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPoTV_5kPJDpSNpr6XywRtR3fxVWsl-cIoFkEUq2ay42y77npFK8ECrd5fR86cXVpiDQ9JOiAq2l7hg_-rkuWWsNtl0RVT1qKy8qp-CRBejq3FGLf2cXkjZBqtwjDZ_J0bD1u0yjnKqxlZ/s1600-h/Santaland+2.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5418485652073521154" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPoTV_5kPJDpSNpr6XywRtR3fxVWsl-cIoFkEUq2ay42y77npFK8ECrd5fR86cXVpiDQ9JOiAq2l7hg_-rkuWWsNtl0RVT1qKy8qp-CRBejq3FGLf2cXkjZBqtwjDZ_J0bD1u0yjnKqxlZ/s320/Santaland+2.JPG" /></a><br /><div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><strong>As I'm sure anyone could probably guess after reading my post about my mom, I have dreamed for many years about the day that I would bring my child to meet Santa. Today, that dream came true! This morning, Glenn and I took Kannon to Santaland at Macy's. One of the great things about living here is being a stone's throw away from iconic locations. Santaland is certainly one of those. He did so well, especially considering that he probably should have had a little more sleep before we went. </strong></span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><strong>We got there around 8:20 (Santaland opens at 9) Around 8:45, a lady elf came out and led the crowd in Christmas carols. At 9, we began our journey through Santaland. Kannon was in awe of the trees, trains, animals and the elves. It was everything I had always imagined it would be. I've gone a little crazy here posting pics & video, but enjoy! He was great until they went to take his picture with Santa. I actually LOVE the pic of him screaming with Santa.</strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><strong></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><strong></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;"><strong>I'll also try to attach a video from Monday night, when the elves, Winklie & Pinklie came while Kannon was in the bathtub. They left him a book, a stocking and hung Christmas lights in the apartment. He was really only interested in the lights!</strong></span></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-75687802171871951352009-12-20T17:11:00.003-05:002009-12-21T09:29:15.848-05:00Playing in the snow<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpIeeedYfINUIGWIPj00z6lqD_EhNszUGHWwxje0B0KNQCtAipQF6wSTRwl9WIFGiRTl9QLNmsA-VQ47liQz4ZnMiG4IzN9MGWZ-E_wBcjzvUWa6heJz6wjpkHc_zOoIOLHbVkut7jTay9/s1600-h/IMG_5986.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417445540800549778" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpIeeedYfINUIGWIPj00z6lqD_EhNszUGHWwxje0B0KNQCtAipQF6wSTRwl9WIFGiRTl9QLNmsA-VQ47liQz4ZnMiG4IzN9MGWZ-E_wBcjzvUWa6heJz6wjpkHc_zOoIOLHbVkut7jTay9/s320/IMG_5986.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH77A97W1ijX-n-tBKTEQ0xNWj9ExRwHEBxhwy2kADHBlwKyZ8D8QDjej4AZOPPuLoAPT_9XhBzq_PuMDabPhVTggRCexCSMv3fvsdRchoV39_F8V4zJ8jQ7RC-ZSsXLIDZfiehT60XD__/s1600-h/IMG_5984.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417445539119882978" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH77A97W1ijX-n-tBKTEQ0xNWj9ExRwHEBxhwy2kADHBlwKyZ8D8QDjej4AZOPPuLoAPT_9XhBzq_PuMDabPhVTggRCexCSMv3fvsdRchoV39_F8V4zJ8jQ7RC-ZSsXLIDZfiehT60XD__/s320/IMG_5984.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9mafwv3iCA8yrnOuoYlMLo6eTa63rEFEhPEtlWYzlCMKyL7WSnC00brFGUXUBB2ehGdWe_yWOWM0mWCvX5p3txw7x0NHL3Sh-mfESgOH-ih3q05ymv9UhpDlTeZgEuwrhEfTErob4XSTR/s1600-h/IMG_5983.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417445534673279378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9mafwv3iCA8yrnOuoYlMLo6eTa63rEFEhPEtlWYzlCMKyL7WSnC00brFGUXUBB2ehGdWe_yWOWM0mWCvX5p3txw7x0NHL3Sh-mfESgOH-ih3q05ymv9UhpDlTeZgEuwrhEfTErob4XSTR/s320/IMG_5983.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><strong><span style="font-family:georgia;color:#000099;">We had the first snowstorm that Kannon was old enough to appreciate last night. Today, he experienced snow for the first time. It was brief, as he doesn't have snow pants, but he loved it!</span></strong></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2554178334913164389.post-78568465709157747982009-12-20T11:27:00.003-05:002009-12-20T11:47:33.127-05:00Where I am right now<strong><span style="font-family:georgia;"><span style="color:#000099;">Lately, I've been extremely emotional and missing my mom and Dashiell more than I can say. My mother was truly the ultimate mom - the gold standard by which all others should be measured. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">At Christmas - well she WAS Christmas. When my sisters and I were little, every December 1, we would get a visit from Winklie and Pinklie. They were two of Santa's elves who would bring us an advent calendar. They couldn't spell at all and their notes always looked strangely similar to my mom's handwriting. They would look in on us periodically and always left us Christmas pjs on Christmas Eve. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">On December 1, 1998, they came again and left us a fabric advent calendar to be reused year after year. Little did my mom know, but she had ordered the calendar before her diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. It was the last Christmas she was alive. Today, the calendar is hanging on my wall, with the note tucked inside. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">When I think of how much my mom would have loved to be a grandma, my heart breaks. About a month before she died, after they decided to stop treatments, I went home and had the opportunity to say everything I wanted to. I remember crying and telling her how I was sad that she would not be here for my wedding and to see my children. She said, "Well, first of all, I will be there, you just won't be able to see me, but I'll always be with you. Second of all, I'll get to meet your children before you do." I have held onto that every day since she uttered those words. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">The day after Dashiell died, I went to my uncle's house after being released from the hopsital in Orlando. My uncle is my only living relative from my mom's immediate family. He said, "Your mom got her first grandchild on Christmas Day." Now, when I think of how much I miss her and how much I miss Dashiell, I also think that he must be having the greatest Christmas of any of the grandkids, because he is with her. I am not particularly religious. My mother, on the other hand, was a devout Catholic. Some ideas from my Catholic uprbinging stay with me and I can't let go of them. One idea I have to hold onto is the thought that Dash and my mom are together in heaven. I still pray everyday that they stay close until I can be with both of them again. I picture her holding him and spoiling him rotten. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">Two years ago today, Glenn and I went to St Luke's Roosevelt to take the hospital tour. I was so happy that day. Little did I know that my world would be turned upside down 5 days later. </span><br /><span style="color:#000099;"></span><br /><span style="color:#000099;">I'm so thankful for my fellow angel moms. Most people in my life do not understand why I still grieve the loss of Dashiell. As much as I understand that they could never comprehend what losing a child is like, I can't help but get a little angry. Of course, I am so incredibly grateful to have Kannon and for all of the blessings in my life. That does not mean that I don't miss Dashiell. It does not mean that I don't think of him every day. It does not mean that I'll ever stop wondering what it would have been like if Dashiell had lived, or been born full term. It is possible to be thankful for your rainbow baby and grieve for your angel at the same time. If any of you angel moms are reading, thank you! Knowing that there are others that truly understand this idea is a great comfort to me and one more thing I am very thankful for. </span></span></strong>Allison (Dashiell's Mom)http://www.blogger.com/profile/11828220404170220901noreply@blogger.com2