Much to my surprise, on Friday, we found out that the rest of the amnio results came back and this is a genetically normal baby! What a relief. I'm so thankful.
Today, we found out that this baby does not have alloimmune thrombocytopenia. We are so relieved. A huge weight has been lifted. If all goes well, I won't need the c-section that I would have if the baby had NAIT. I won't need the blood treatments and maybe, just maybe, I can actually start to enjoy this pregnancy.
I wish I could relax and trust that everything will be ok, but I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. That said, I'm feeling more hopeful today than I have for this pregnancy.
I'm praying that our "big" ultrasound on Friday goes well, and that the umbilical cord is not a single artery cord. We'll see, but for now, I'm just so happy and thankful!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Still Waiting...
Here we are, 1 week and 2 days after the amnio. It feels like a lifetime. We're still waiting for results, but I did get a little information yesterday. Megan, Dr. JB's assistant called the Blood Center of Wisconsin. They told her that my results should be ready by Tuesday. These are the results that will tell us whether or not this baby has NAIT. I'm praying that the baby does not, but if s/he does, I want to start treatment immediately.
I can't believe how much my life has changed over the course of one year. One year ago today, I wasn't even thinking about having a baby. Little did I know that I would conceive a child, lose a child and conceive another by one year later. I found out that I was pregnant with Dashiell on August 4, 2007. One week from today will mark 7 months since I lost him.
I think of my precious Dashiell every day. I picture him in heaven, being spoiled rotten by my mom and playing with all of the other angel babies. I know he is a part of this baby and it's comforting to know that this baby has such a wonderful guardian angel.
Since finding out last August that I would be a mother, it's hard for me to remember a time not so long ago that motherhood was the farthest thing from my mind. Over the past year, I've become very attached to my new role and it has changed me profoundly. I may not have a living child in my arms, but I am a mother. When people ask me if I have children, I answer, "Yes, I have a child, but he died." I want people to know. I now understand depths of love that a mother feels for her child.
Now, no matter what happens, I have two children. I pray that this one will be my earth baby that I can hold and watch grow. I'm still very scared of losing this baby and I probably will be even after this one is born. I'll feel much better once we have the amnio results back, but even then, I know all to well how many women lose their babies at term.
I really envy anyone who can have a carefree pregnancy. It's something that I have never had and never will. I wonder what it would be like to have my biggest worry be what stroller to buy, or what color to paint the nursery. On the flip side, I do realize how precious each and every day is with this baby. I thank God every day for the time I have already had.
This baby started to make itself known to me last week. This past Monday I got an actual jab! Of course, it is still too early to feel any kind of regular movement, but it's nice that to be reassured. It's as if s/he is telling me, "Hey, mom, I'm in here and I'm fine so stop worrying!" I'm so thankful for each day and each flutter. This baby is loved so much already. As much as I love this baby, I still miss my baby Dashiell. Although I am thankful, this baby will never be a replacement for him. He will always be my first child, my Christmas angel, my precious Dash.
I can't believe how much my life has changed over the course of one year. One year ago today, I wasn't even thinking about having a baby. Little did I know that I would conceive a child, lose a child and conceive another by one year later. I found out that I was pregnant with Dashiell on August 4, 2007. One week from today will mark 7 months since I lost him.
I think of my precious Dashiell every day. I picture him in heaven, being spoiled rotten by my mom and playing with all of the other angel babies. I know he is a part of this baby and it's comforting to know that this baby has such a wonderful guardian angel.
Since finding out last August that I would be a mother, it's hard for me to remember a time not so long ago that motherhood was the farthest thing from my mind. Over the past year, I've become very attached to my new role and it has changed me profoundly. I may not have a living child in my arms, but I am a mother. When people ask me if I have children, I answer, "Yes, I have a child, but he died." I want people to know. I now understand depths of love that a mother feels for her child.
Now, no matter what happens, I have two children. I pray that this one will be my earth baby that I can hold and watch grow. I'm still very scared of losing this baby and I probably will be even after this one is born. I'll feel much better once we have the amnio results back, but even then, I know all to well how many women lose their babies at term.
I really envy anyone who can have a carefree pregnancy. It's something that I have never had and never will. I wonder what it would be like to have my biggest worry be what stroller to buy, or what color to paint the nursery. On the flip side, I do realize how precious each and every day is with this baby. I thank God every day for the time I have already had.
This baby started to make itself known to me last week. This past Monday I got an actual jab! Of course, it is still too early to feel any kind of regular movement, but it's nice that to be reassured. It's as if s/he is telling me, "Hey, mom, I'm in here and I'm fine so stop worrying!" I'm so thankful for each day and each flutter. This baby is loved so much already. As much as I love this baby, I still miss my baby Dashiell. Although I am thankful, this baby will never be a replacement for him. He will always be my first child, my Christmas angel, my precious Dash.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Good news - for now
Yesterday, I waited by the phone all day for the preliminary amnio results. They were supposed to tell us is the baby has trisomy 21, 18 or 13. The wait was awful. I finally broke down around 2:30 and called Anna, the genetic counsellor, to see if she could call the lab.
She finally called back around 3:30 saying that the lab would not have results back Friday. She spoke with the director of the lab, put my number in her cell phone and said that she'd call today either way with an update.
I waited around all day today with the phone by my side. I wasn't holding my breath, though. I assumed that we would probably hear on Monday. At 4:28pm, the phone rang and it was Anna. She said, "I have good news. So far, everything is normal." I cried from relief and thanked her. She really went above and beyond for us, calling the lab on her day off and calling to let us know results. I'm so thankful that we had her again.
Now, we just need to hear about the NAIT results and the rest of the amnio results. We're used to waiting, but at least we have one hurdle behind us! I'll take that for now and just be thankful and revel in the moment.
She finally called back around 3:30 saying that the lab would not have results back Friday. She spoke with the director of the lab, put my number in her cell phone and said that she'd call today either way with an update.
I waited around all day today with the phone by my side. I wasn't holding my breath, though. I assumed that we would probably hear on Monday. At 4:28pm, the phone rang and it was Anna. She said, "I have good news. So far, everything is normal." I cried from relief and thanked her. She really went above and beyond for us, calling the lab on her day off and calling to let us know results. I'm so thankful that we had her again.
Now, we just need to hear about the NAIT results and the rest of the amnio results. We're used to waiting, but at least we have one hurdle behind us! I'll take that for now and just be thankful and revel in the moment.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The Waiting Game
We finally had the amniocentesis yesterday. Luckily, I had my sister and niece in town Tuesday night and yesterday morning to distract me. We got to the doctor's office around 10:45am for our 11am appointment. We waited for what seemed like forever, but what was really only one hour.
We finally got into the procedure room and I was looking forward to having a full scan with measurements and all, but since they were done last week, the ultrasound tech did not do any. The munchkin's heartbeat was 148. As soon as she put the ultrasound on my belly, we could see the little one in there moving all over the place, as if to reassure us.
I asked the tech if she could see if the cord had 1 or 2 vessels. At first, she said she thought 2, but later she said it could possibly be a single artery cord. This can be a marker for Trisomy 13 or 18, other physiological defects, or not a problem at all. She couldn't be sure one way or the other, though. DAMN!!!!! One more detail to worry about.
About 1/2 hour later, Dr. RB came in to perform the procedure. He let me know that my uterus had moved enough to give him a spot to go in without going through the placenta. I was extremely nervous. The amnio that I had last year for Dashiell was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. Glenn held both of my hands. The needle went in. I felt it go through my uterus, but barely felt anything at all! I didn't even feel the pressure of the fluid coming out. It was over quickly and I felt fine afterwards.
The little munchkin had curled up after and the heartbeat was 158. All was well. We got home around 1:30 and I immediately went to lie down in bed. My sister and Pat brought my niece over last night. It was a welcome distraction, but I was told to take it easy. My friends Taifa and Paul came over to help me with her, which allowed me to spend time with her, without having to get on the floor and play.
I did not sleep well last night. I woke up around 4:30 and never quite got back to sleep. It's only 3:45 pm right now. This waiting is killing me. I need to get a phone call tomorrow saying that the baby does not have trisomy 13, 18 or 21. I can't lose this child. It's just not an option. Please God, please, let this baby be born healthy, alive and normal.
We finally got into the procedure room and I was looking forward to having a full scan with measurements and all, but since they were done last week, the ultrasound tech did not do any. The munchkin's heartbeat was 148. As soon as she put the ultrasound on my belly, we could see the little one in there moving all over the place, as if to reassure us.
I asked the tech if she could see if the cord had 1 or 2 vessels. At first, she said she thought 2, but later she said it could possibly be a single artery cord. This can be a marker for Trisomy 13 or 18, other physiological defects, or not a problem at all. She couldn't be sure one way or the other, though. DAMN!!!!! One more detail to worry about.
About 1/2 hour later, Dr. RB came in to perform the procedure. He let me know that my uterus had moved enough to give him a spot to go in without going through the placenta. I was extremely nervous. The amnio that I had last year for Dashiell was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. Glenn held both of my hands. The needle went in. I felt it go through my uterus, but barely felt anything at all! I didn't even feel the pressure of the fluid coming out. It was over quickly and I felt fine afterwards.
The little munchkin had curled up after and the heartbeat was 158. All was well. We got home around 1:30 and I immediately went to lie down in bed. My sister and Pat brought my niece over last night. It was a welcome distraction, but I was told to take it easy. My friends Taifa and Paul came over to help me with her, which allowed me to spend time with her, without having to get on the floor and play.
I did not sleep well last night. I woke up around 4:30 and never quite got back to sleep. It's only 3:45 pm right now. This waiting is killing me. I need to get a phone call tomorrow saying that the baby does not have trisomy 13, 18 or 21. I can't lose this child. It's just not an option. Please God, please, let this baby be born healthy, alive and normal.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Jerk Pat!
My sister called me on Friday to let me know that she would be coming to NYC with my 4 year old niece this Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Not great timing with the amnio coming up again, but I was still very excited to see them. They were planning on staying with us.
Last night, I got a call that they were going to stay in a hotel and that our close family friend, Pat (affectionately known as "jerk Pat") is coming, too. Now, I'm excited to see Pat, but I do not want her to know that I am pregnant. I don't really want anyone else to know until we're very close to delivery, or at least until we know what we're dealing with.
I guess I'm going to have to dress in a giant trash bag, or something similar with no form, because I'm bigger than I've ever been! On the bright side, my precious niece will be having a sleepover at my place on Wednesday night while her mom goes to a Broadway show with Jerk Pat. It will be a good way to take my mind off of the amnio, plus, I love her so much!!!
The anxiety is starting to build again about the amnio, the results for any Trisomy and the possibility of NAIT. I feel like we've been in a holding pattern for so long. I'm just ready to move & do something. It's horrible, helpless feeling; especially for a control freak, like me.
Last night, I got a call that they were going to stay in a hotel and that our close family friend, Pat (affectionately known as "jerk Pat") is coming, too. Now, I'm excited to see Pat, but I do not want her to know that I am pregnant. I don't really want anyone else to know until we're very close to delivery, or at least until we know what we're dealing with.
I guess I'm going to have to dress in a giant trash bag, or something similar with no form, because I'm bigger than I've ever been! On the bright side, my precious niece will be having a sleepover at my place on Wednesday night while her mom goes to a Broadway show with Jerk Pat. It will be a good way to take my mind off of the amnio, plus, I love her so much!!!
The anxiety is starting to build again about the amnio, the results for any Trisomy and the possibility of NAIT. I feel like we've been in a holding pattern for so long. I'm just ready to move & do something. It's horrible, helpless feeling; especially for a control freak, like me.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
No Go for the Amnio
So, I got to the Dr office yesterday morning and went through the genetic counselling. (ironically, the genetic counsellor was the same on I had back in November at a different hospital. She just moved to this office 1 month ago and she's fantastic).
After that, I was brought into the procedure room. The u/s tech wanted to do a "mini" anatomy scan. Since it's still so early, there is only so much to be seen. She really reassured me that everything looks really good. The nasal bone was very visible (an absent nasal bone can . She said that usually with Trisomy 13 &18, there are things that are very abnormal. Baby was moving around like crazy, weighs 5oz, measured at 16w5d (over 1 week ahead!) and had a heartbeat of 154.
After the scan was over (about 1/2 hour later) we got ready for the amnio. Dr RB came in to take a look. Since my placenta is anterior, there was no way for him to go in without going through the placenta. Normally this would not be a problem, but because we may be dealing with Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia, he was nervous about the baby's blood getting into my blood stream, causing my body to vigorously attack the baby. He wants to wait a week and see if my uterus moves into a different position where he can go in and avoid the placenta. If next week, he is not able to, but it looks like things are moving, it may be delayed until the following week. If it hasn't moved and doesn't look like it's going to, he will do it next week.
At least I got a little reassurance regarding the trisomy 13/18 situation. I think I'll be ok waiting until next week. Plus, the genetic counsellor is going to call the lab personally for an early pick up so that we can hopefully have results for trisomy 21, 18 & 13 the next day.
This is all very frustrating, but as long as the end result is a healthy, normal, living baby, I don't care what I have to go through.
After that, I was brought into the procedure room. The u/s tech wanted to do a "mini" anatomy scan. Since it's still so early, there is only so much to be seen. She really reassured me that everything looks really good. The nasal bone was very visible (an absent nasal bone can . She said that usually with Trisomy 13 &18, there are things that are very abnormal. Baby was moving around like crazy, weighs 5oz, measured at 16w5d (over 1 week ahead!) and had a heartbeat of 154.
After the scan was over (about 1/2 hour later) we got ready for the amnio. Dr RB came in to take a look. Since my placenta is anterior, there was no way for him to go in without going through the placenta. Normally this would not be a problem, but because we may be dealing with Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia, he was nervous about the baby's blood getting into my blood stream, causing my body to vigorously attack the baby. He wants to wait a week and see if my uterus moves into a different position where he can go in and avoid the placenta. If next week, he is not able to, but it looks like things are moving, it may be delayed until the following week. If it hasn't moved and doesn't look like it's going to, he will do it next week.
At least I got a little reassurance regarding the trisomy 13/18 situation. I think I'll be ok waiting until next week. Plus, the genetic counsellor is going to call the lab personally for an early pick up so that we can hopefully have results for trisomy 21, 18 & 13 the next day.
This is all very frustrating, but as long as the end result is a healthy, normal, living baby, I don't care what I have to go through.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Peace & Bad Dreams
I've been plagued by bad dreams lately. This past Sunday night, I had a very vivid and intense dream that I was bleeding and blod clots were coming out. I went to the hospital and my mother was there. At that point I woke up. It was 1am. I went to the bathroom to make sure it was just a dream & went back to sleep.
The dream started back up again. I was waiting in the hospital with my mom; waiting to see if something was wrong. We finally got in an elevator with 2 pregnant women who were happy. I remember crying and praying when I woke up again. It was 4:30am and I could not go back to sleep.
It's ironic, because on Sunday afternoon, for the first time since the NT screen results, I had a feeling of peace and a strong sense that everything was ok.
Needless to say, the dream threw me for a loop. These results can't come fast enough. I'm not looking forward to the actual amnio. I know how painful it will be. It will all be worth it, though, if everything is ok.
The dream started back up again. I was waiting in the hospital with my mom; waiting to see if something was wrong. We finally got in an elevator with 2 pregnant women who were happy. I remember crying and praying when I woke up again. It was 4:30am and I could not go back to sleep.
It's ironic, because on Sunday afternoon, for the first time since the NT screen results, I had a feeling of peace and a strong sense that everything was ok.
Needless to say, the dream threw me for a loop. These results can't come fast enough. I'm not looking forward to the actual amnio. I know how painful it will be. It will all be worth it, though, if everything is ok.
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