I have been very bad about writing updates. Briefly, Kannon turned 2 at the beginning of the month. He is more and more fun each day. He is speaking in 5-6 word sentences, soaks info up like a sponge and has grown quite a bit. At his appointment on 12-9, he was 27.5 lbs and 35 3/4 inches. His head circumference growth has tapered off, which is a huge relief. All in all, he is doing extremely well!
I, on the other hand, had to have a second surgery on my back on 11-19 and am still recovering, but doing quite well. I was prepared for a horrible recovery ala the first surgery, but this has been much easier.
It dawned on me today that my sister, who will be with me at Christmas is just about as pregnant as I was in Christmas of 2007 when I lost Dash. I love her so much and she always honors Dashiell with some kind of donation in his name at Christmas, but I am honestly dreading the moment that I see her belly.
I realize that this is highly irrational. I have beautiful little guy who I love more than I ever dreamed possible, but I still miss Dash. I will always wonder what my life would have been like had things not gone so wrong. This is the first Christmas we will be with family since that awful Christmas. It is definitely bittersweet. I love seeing Kannon light up when he sees a tree or Santa. The memories and grief just seem to hit at the strangest times and the emotion is just heightened by the holiday.
Kannon Dashiell, my rainbow
First time in the car seat, swimming in newborn size clothes!
Dashiell Tate, my angel
A close up photo of my beautiful Dash
Family photo
This is our only photo as a family (12/25/07)
About Me
- Allison (Dashiell's Mom)
- I am in my late 30s and live in NYC. I lost my first child at 24 weeks 5 days on Christmas Day, 2007. He was perfectly healthy and the cause of his death may have been a cord accident, a blood clot in the placenta or neonatal alloimmune thrombocytopenia. I found out that I was pregnant again on the day my precious Dashiell was due. This is my chronicle of happiness, anxiety, fear and love throughout my subsequent pregnancy. It will also be a record of my experience as a mother to an earth baby and an angel.
2 comments:
Very glad to read your back is healing well! Have a wonderful Christmas with your family!!
I've been caught off guard by the emotion this Christmas. I thought I'd been doing ok but man these last few weeks have been tough. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you. You're in my thoughts and I hope Kannon has the most awesome Christmas ever and that your sister delivers a safe healthy baby!
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