Thursday, December 25, 2008

One year ago today

One year ago today, the very foundation of my world was shaken to the core. Christmas will never be the same again. It was the best and worst day of my life; the day I met my first born precious baby boy, Dashiell. I remember so vividly hearing that I would have to labor and deliver him. I was horrified and scared. I had not taken any classes. What did I know about delivering a baby, let alone delivering a baby who had died. Little did I know, it was such a gift. Those few hours I held him in my arms were unforgettable. I am so lucky to have been able to hold him, love him and study him. So many moms never have that chance.

As I sit here today looking at my new precious gift, I can't help but feel bittersweet. I am so very thankful for Kannon, but I miss Dashiell terribly. Kannon looks just like Dash. I know he is here, a part of Kannon, but I selfishly miss him. He would be 8 1/2 months. This would have been his first Christmas. Instead, I have a tiny peanut, who cries all of the time. We're not able to be with our family this year, but perhaps it's for the best.

Dashiell, my angel, I miss you with all of my heart. I pray that your grandma is holding you close to her heart until we meet again. I love you, my light.

1 comment:

Echloe said...

Thanks so much for coming over to my blog. I did get your email from Koyn, just wasn't ready to get in touch yet. But I did just join the babycenter loss board. I'll be in touch with you for sure. Thank you so much. And I'm so happy for you that you were able to have your beautiful son Kannon. It gives me hope.

Echloe (betsy)