Full Term!

I am officially full term today! It’s a major milestone for me, yet I still feel like I have the monumental task of delivering a healthy, living baby in a few days. It has been a few weeks since I’ve written here and so much has happened.

We had another growth scan this past Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. Although the abdomen has grown, it’s still lagging far behind the head (in the 53%) and femur (in the 49%) at only 2%. The doctors are convinced that it’s due to my blood pressure. Since the baby is consistently scoring 8/8 on the biophysical profiles, they are ok with me waiting to deliver on Tuesday (if the lungs are mature) or on Wednesday (if the lungs are not mature).

I was also back in the hospital for a few hours of monitoring 2 weeks ago, due to 2 high bp readings in the doctor’s office. It was most likely not necessary, but I really appreciate the “better safe than sorry” attitude of our doctors. The baby was fine and my bp dropped right away. After being monitored for 2 hours, I was able to go home. I’ve really gotten to know quite a few of the staff there – so much so that one of the nurses came in to say hello! Hopefully, that will be an advantage when I actually deliver.

This past week has been very emotional for me. The 11 month anniversary of Dashiell’s death was Tuesday. As I watched the parade on Thanksgiving day, I couldn’t help but cry thinking that he should have been here. This would have been his first Thanksgiving with us. I remember last year thinking about it and planning for it. I’m so thankful for this little one inside me now, but it does not erase the pain & hole in my heart. I will never be able to spend a holiday with my first child. How does anyone truly heal from that?

It’s also surreal that I will be having my second child 11 months and 1 week after losing my first child. The holidays will certainly be bittersweet this year. I’m already having trouble listening to Christmas carols. I keep flashing back to last year. I remember December 14 very clearly. It was the family Christmas party at work. This is a huge event, attended by approximately 6,000 people. They had photo booths, Santa was there, the Rockettes performed, a Build a Bear workshop was set up, the cafeteria provided free lunch to all attendees, giant blow up slides, movies, etc. Glenn came and we walked around looking at all of the kids and talking about how we would have Dashiell with us at the party this year. It was one of the happiest days of my life, and my happiest memory of my entire pregnancy with Dashiell.

I know that there will be many happy memories that we’ll have with this baby. I’m so thankful for that. I’m also thankful for the happy memories that I have of my short time with Dash.

So, Monday, I’ll have an amniocentesis for lung function. If all goes well, I will come in Monday night to have my cervix ripened (GROSS!) and the induction will start on Monday. If the lungs are not mature, I will have one beamethosone shot on Monday, another on Tuesday & go in Tuesday night for the “ripening”. For the rest of this weekend, Glenn and I will be busy cleaning and trying to enjoy our last few days alone together.