Wednesday, June 25, 2008

6 Months since we lost Dashiell

I felt weird and anxious all day today. When I got home, I had a sudden urge to go through Dash's things. I realized that it was the 6 month anniversary of his death. I thought about it this week, but I think I blocked it out. I cried harder than I have in a long time. I know that he knows this, but I had to tell him that this baby is no replacement for him. He should be here, 2 1/2 months old by now. I still can't get over that and I don't think I ever will. I finally felt ready to place his ashes in the urn we bought. It's a sculpture of a mom holding a baby and his ashes are in the bottom. It did give me some sense of peace. I had been keeping his ashes in a fireproof safe. I was just so scared of losing them if anything ever happened, but I can't live my whole life in fear of everything. I don't think I will ever accept the fact that he was taken from us long before his time.

I love you, my precious angel. You are my light. I know you're watching over your little brother or sister. I hope you're having fun playing with all the angel babies and that grandma is cradling you, loving you and spoiling you rotten. I can't wait until the day that I can hold you in my arms again. I love you with all my heart, my light.

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